


Red

by ThornDraconis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto, Naruto (Anime) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornDraconis/pseuds/ThornDraconis
Summary: If he could choose any color in the world, he would choose red - it was there in his left eye, it was there in the blood on his hands, it was there in all of her.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 9





	1. Again

**Author's Note:**

> The strongest people we know sometimes carry the heaviest of burdens. That is where they pull their strength from – from their ghosts, their torments, their demons. However, strong people are not flawless. In fact, one could even say that their mistakes are perhaps bigger than average. Which is why their journey to forgiveness and atonement is that much more trying.
> 
> This story is about a wizard who at a very young age went through more than most people face their entire lives. And even though his demons do not scare him anymore, he is now presented with a surprisingly difficult task – facing one last demon crafted by none other than himself.
> 
> ~X~
> 
> "He must have known I'd want to leave you."
> 
> "No, he must have known you would always want to come back."
> 
> ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The sun peered through the windows of the minimalist and newly painted house, carrying warmth and the promise of a very hot summer afternoon. There, sat down upon a wooden stool in the middle of the kitchen, Kakashi Hatake had a perfect view of the strikingly blue sky that he knew did not grace that city so often.

He had not been to London in little over than a decade but in a way it felt like he had never left. The moment he had arrived, his resolve had been replaced by a wave of nostalgia and longing, feelings he had worked very hard to suppress for the past ten years. He was older, supposedly a bit wiser and definitely much more powerful, but right now he found himself contemplating his younger self and almost envying his determination, his sheer and stupid _bravery_ at facing the unknown. London was no unknown territory by any means, but his confidence had wavered all the same.

Coming back to the very place he had left on a whim ten years before had not been an easy decision. Yet, Kakashi had stopped considering Tokyo his home long before he could remember. He had worked and trained so hard, spent countless hours proving himself over and over again, completed more missions than he could actually remember, but somehow it had always felt the same. In a way, that reality was comfortable too. There was no one but himself. Funny how loneliness can feel so comfortable sometimes.

The wizard sighed heavily and pulled his wand, summoning a glass of water and drinking it slowly. It was indeed a hot summer day and he had to admit he had forgotten how to deal with that. He could always cast a spell and make the house feel colder, but ironically he also wanted to allow himself to bask in that hot weather for a little longer. It had been so much time since he had last experienced that. Or perhaps it had been so much time since he had done anything other than fulfilling his duties.

That was his second week back in London and he had finally settled down. The Ministry had of course helped him arrange a place. He definitely loathed being pampered especially because of his growing reputation, but had to admit that having assistance to find a house, buy some furniture and deal with paperwork had avoided an awful headache and for that he was thankful. He had plenty of space, was just at a five-minute walk from the closest park and none of the neighbors could see him. That was a great improvement considering his experience back in Tokyo. The lopsided black headband, which covered his left eye, had been the object of suspicious glares and hushed words before the Japanese Ministry of Magic had finally helped him find a place concealed from the muggles.

" _Maybe he's lost an eye?"_

" _It's probably one of those stupid fashion statements from the eastern. He's a foreigner."_

The witches and wizards were not that forward, of course, given that Kakashi was a high-ranking officer at the Japanese Ministry of Magic. So even though everyone had basically glanced a minute longer at his headband and wondered why his left eye was always concealed, he had never been asked a single question about that. They knew, of course. He had resorted to his Sharingan more times than he could count and that had awarded him a nickname he loathed and a reputation he felt unworthy of. He wanted to believe he had come back to London because of that, but deep down he knew there was much more than frustration guiding his decision.

Kakashi glanced for a minute at the Daily Prophet placed on the kitchen balcony, the silence resonating in his ears, his expression seemingly apathetic. That edition was old and had been given to him by the British Minister for Magic himself. Kingsley Shacklebolt had been to Tokyo for a week and his tour at the Japanese Ministry of Magic had included a quick stop at the equivalent of the British Auror Headquarters where Kakashi had been training by himself after coming back from a mission the week before. The dark-skinned wizard had leaned against a wall and watched the silver-haired Auror with wonder while he displayed his combination of magic and something else the Minister found himself incapable of describing. As Kakashi finished his training and grabbed a towel to tend to his sweaty face and neck, Kingsley had approached him with a large grin and said:

"How do you feel about going back home and working for me? No missions. You'd teach our juniors."

Kakashi had bit on his tongue to refrain from arguing that although he had lived the majority of his life in Britain, half of his family was indeed Japanese, so the concept of "home" was not that straightforward. Instead, he finished cleaning himself up and watched Shacklebolt in silence for a full minute before finally replying, brows still furrowed:

"When do you need an answer?"

Kingsley had seemed completely taken back by that answer but held his ground and smiled once again.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow."

"Fine. You will have your answer by then."

"By the way, you might want to catch up with what's going on there," the Minister had said before handing him a copy of the Daily Prophet and leaving with a polite nod.

Kakashi had furrowed his brow more as he so often did and then raised an eyebrow as he scanned the front page. He had a very strong opinion about newspapers and media in general, especially because of the articles that had tried to speculate about some of his missions. They had made his nickname popular and for that alone he had a reason to be wary of newspapers. Nonetheless, reading was probably his favorite hobby, so curiosity had gotten the best of him and suddenly Kakashi found himself devouring the Daily Prophet once he got back to his place. Here and there, he found names he remembered, people he had never heard of, bits and pieces that evoked nostalgia and a fun little puzzle that once solved would grant a coupon to Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour. He was smiling to himself after reading the Quidditch section when his eye caught sight of a picture at the bottom of the page.

"Red?"

It felt like everything started tunneling the moment he spotted that picture. For ten minutes straight, all he could do was stare at that black and white picture, his heart suddenly pounding hard inside his chest, much harder than it had even throughout all those times he had almost lost his life. The room suddenly felt suffocating and Kakashi pulled his headband off, threw it carelessly on the ground and brought the newspaper closer to his face, brows furrowed, lips parted. He felt his Sharingan almost start trembling inside his eye socket, but the longer he stared at the façade of the woman in the picture, the more lost he felt.

 _Ministerial Gala_ , he read under the picture. The article itself gave no details whatsoever on the guests. It only mentioned some unenthusiastic details about the traditional yearly event and included a quote from the Minister for Magic on the importance of bringing together the influential wizarding community so they could raise funds for some charity causes. But there, standing in the left corner of the picture behind the Minister for Magic himself was a person he had not seen for the last ten years, ever since their Hogwarts graduation.

He had not slept that night. It had been so long, so, so long. Over ten years. So long that you couldn't even call it "ten years" because they had already been grouped to convey something longer. A decade. His cold indifference had been replaced by anxiety, questions and memories. Reminiscences that had been stored so safely, so guardedly and now were demanding some attention. But at the same time, that picture had answered Kingsley Shacklebolt's request. Yes, he would go back _home_. Yes, we would work for the Ministry of Magic. He did not even know what exactly he was going to do, but Tokyo was no longer home. That was somewhere else. Perhaps that had always been somewhere else.

And yet, finding Shacklebolt the next day and bringing himself to utter the word "Yes" had been impossible. Instead, he had simply gazed at the man, hands inside his pockets, nodded his head and left without saying anything, his demeanor as stoic and indifferent as ever. It was not that straightforward, though. He thought he might give up on his resolve if he ever opened up his mouth.

Kakashi drummed his fingers on the kitchen table as a cloud invaded the blue sky and cast some shadow into his kitchen. He noticed the ragged edges of the Daily Prophet. It was embarrassing to admit that he had read that particular piece at least three times every day since that occasion. He probably knew it by heart right now. No, not probably, he _really_ knew it by heart right now. He had also memorized every detail of that black and white picture even though there was absolutely nothing special about it.

The woman was standing behind the Minister, her hair tied in an elegant bun. The picture may be black and white, but he could still remember its fiery red color. Behind her façade of indifference and detachment, Kakashi could see how bored she actually felt by the entire ordeal and his mind could not help but travel once again to that memory – as it had done at least ten times since he had gotten that bloody newspaper.

_They were sitting in the middle of the library, the last two students before it was time for Madam Pince to throw them out. It was snowing outside and the Hogwarts landscape looked very picturesque beneath that soft white carpet that extended beyond their view. The trees reminded him of a muggle postal card he had seen once at the bookshop where he bought his favorite books and he doubted he would ever get tired of that sight. After a minute of contemplation, he resumed his attention to his book, noticing that the witch in front of him was writing down furiously, her brows furrowed in concentration. He muffled a chuckle at that sight; her essay was probably good enough to begin with and she was now adding at least ten more inches to it. Typical._

" _Any invitations so far?"_

_She raised her eyes with annoyance and reluctance while he kept his right eye glued to the book he was currently reading, his stance lazy and casual, but he could feel the way she was throwing daggers at him._

" _I'd probably have if they were not so afraid I'd set them on fire," she answered without missing a beat, toying with the sleeves of her Gryffindor sweater. "Then, of course, they'd have to convince me that going to this tedious ball would not be a complete waste of my time."_

_He muffled yet another chuckle and shook his head. Yes, she had probably made an extremely valid point._

" _What about you? I heard Greengrass hasn't chosen anyone yet."_

_He felt a slight blush form in his cheeks but mustered enough dignity to summon a reply before she could actually catch him._

" _That is your worst idea ever," he scoffed with casual indifference, dragging his fingers across his spiky silver hair. "Even worse than the last one."_

" _You could try," she encouraged him, scratching the tip of her nose as the wizard gaped at her with disdain. "For someone who often thinks so highly of himself, it is amazing how you can always find ways to belittle yourself."_

" _I heard Guy Perkins was going to ask you," he interrupted her with a glare, eyes narrowed._

" _I'd sooner die," her reply came sharp and unyielding to his witty comeback, arms folded with a huff, her hazel eyes watching him coolly._

_They stayed in silence for some time, his expression stoic once more while the girl lowered her quill, her face looking just as inexpressive as his._

" _You're still reading that muggle piece of crap," she rolled her eyes and gave a dramatic sigh._

" _This is Hogwarts, a History," he replied without looking up to meet her contemptuous expression._

" _Really? Read out loud any sentence for me, then."_

_Kakashi felt his cheeks start burning immediately and he cursed her prying nature._

" _These are my favorite books," he told her through gritted teeth, lowering the object and sneering at the girl. She did not seem to mind his annoyance, though, for her façade remained just as condescending._

" _Did you know you have to be at least eighteen to buy these bloody things?"_

" _What's the point in waiting till I'm eighteen to start learning?"_

" _Pervert," she scoffed but it was only halfheartedly because he saw some amusement beneath her eyes. "It's a good spell, though. Glamour charm, am I right?"_

" _Oh yes. Got it from Edgecombe," and then he motioned to his left eye while she gave him a knowing look that was reprimanding and amazed in equal measures. "Instead of covering my pimples, though, I thought of something cleverer."_

" _Of course you did, Kakashi," she grinned and he reciprocated her gesture with a mischievous smirk of his own. "I cannot think of someone else who deserves to be in Slytherin more than you."_

" _Speaking of that, you had to see the way Snape told us about the ball," his eyes gleamed with mischief and he leaned forward to muffle a chuckle. "Invoked Salazar Slytherin to talk about honor and dignity. He will probably expel anyone he finds fooling around. Imagine him seeing anyone snogging. Or worse!"_

" _Probably pulled a page from McGonagall's book," she laughed quietly, tossing her long red hair behind her shoulder. "She basically instilled this idea that even dancing with someone is a display of naughtiness. I wonder if she reads those muggle novels of yours."_

" _You're the worst, did you know that? How am I supposed to enjoy these books now that you're telling me McGonagall reads them too?", he scolded her with contempt, looking outraged. The teenage boy clenched his jaw and glowered at the girl while she pretended not to notice his grimace; rather, the witch glanced at her own nails with casual dismissal. "But since none of us is going to that stupid ball, we could actually resume our last duel."_

_That was enough to melt the supercilious look off her face. The witch immediately looked miffed and it was now her time to pull a scowl at the silver-haired boy in front of her._

" _I had the upper hand."_

" _If you like being delusional, yes, you did."_

" _So what are you suggesting?", the witch countered with a cool expression._

" _The teachers will be too busy with the ball to patrol the corridors and the seventh floor."_

_She pursed her lips and allowed her hazel eyes to settle on his face while Kakashi stretched his arms lazily and then studied her demeanor quietly. It still amazed him how after all that time he still found himself wondering if she was really that unreadable, no matter how much time they spent together._

" _Are you using it?", she asked, staring at his left eye, the one he always hid beneath his headband._

" _Are you using yours?", he countered almost immediately, nodding towards her hands._

" _As long as there are no teachers to make us play by the rules," the witch reasoned, closing her fists, her face now recovering the mischievous aura it was displaying moments before._

" _Of course there will be not."_

It had been many years since they had had that conversation and it was curious how such an ordinary situation could feel so different now that it had become a memory. They were fifteen back then, their concerns mundane and simple even though Kakashi already felt much older than he was, even though he had already faced much more than any person he knew. It was the first time they had been allowed to the yearly Yule Ball and he remembered very well her look of disgust and boredom at the prospect of going there. True to her word, she had never gone to the ball in their Hogwarts years, so seeing her featured in that black and white picture in the Daily Prophet made him think of how much everything had changed.

Funny how _it_ had happened because things indeed had changed.

The longer he thought, the worse his decision to come back to London started to feel. He folded the newspaper neatly so that he would not stare at that picture any longer and got to his feet, looking anywhere but at the bloody thing. He stretched lazily once again and left the kitchen, entered the living room, determined to find something else to entertain his thoughts. For five minutes straight, he stood in the middle of the room and tried to summon something to his mind, but it was like he had reached a haze that prevented the appearance of any logical thoughts.

"What the fuck," he muttered to himself, sitting back on the couch and placing a hand in front of his mouth as he breathed in and out in the hopes of resuming his cold indifference, that stoic expression he knew belonged right there in his face.

The sunlight invaded the room another time as the clouds started receding in the blue sky. Then, his visible eye caught sight of the empty shelves in the opposite wall and he immediately realized he needed books. Yes, that was it. He now had a purpose, a mission, something logical to tend to. He had not brought anything back from Tokyo and had donated everything he owned but his muggle books. Yet, he was definitely short on wizarding books and he would probably need those if he expected to become a decent teacher.

After making a quick stop at the mirror to fix his headband and make sure it was properly covering his left eye, Kakashi grabbed a handful of Floo Powder, stepped inside the fireplace with some difficulty and made his way to the Diagon Alley.

He immediately thought he had gone back in time, and was once again a teenager seeing the place for the first time. It had been so much time, yet it felt as wondrous as ever. All the little shops cluttered with wizarding objects, the colorful windows, the hoot of an occasional owl flying by. Kakashi found himself watching closely the witches and wizards parading across the cobblestoned streets, the mothers promising they could come back later to tend to their children's desperate pleas, the tired-looking fathers trying to keep up with the small witches and wizards wanting to buy Quidditch supplies. Suddenly, there was a small smile dancing in his lips and he stuffed his hands inside his pockets as he began climbing the street towards Flourish and Blotts.

The small shop was chaotic and he could not really focus his thoughts there at the entrance, so Kakashi made his way to the back of the shop, hoping to find the peace of mind he needed to see which books he was going to buy. He should have thought of that – it was early August, everyone was taking their children to buy Hogwarts supplies. He did not mind, though. Not really, anyway. Just like the hot weather, he had missed that familiar feeling as well.

No one came to assist him as he had predicted and he preferred that way because he knew he was not the easiest customer in the world. Frowning slightly, the silver-haired wizard scanned the upper shelves where they usually kept the books that did not interest most witches and wizards and that were in fact the ones he mostly looked for. Being very tall, that was an easy task, so Kakashi began pulling book after book, his brows furrowing further and further as he tried to figure out which of them he should take. He already had selected seven different books and had just stretched a long arm to get the eighth when his heart stopped.

"Kakashi?"


	2. Bookshop

" _Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect." ― Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_

X

He turned around slowly, his heart starting to find its rhythm as he breathed in and out. It had been a decade since he had last heard the sound of that voice. Even though it screamed of familiarity, he could not overlook how different it sounded right now.

"Red?"

The woman was staring at him with a blank expression, her eyes going from his silver mane of spiky hair to his lopsided headband and then to the books he had in his right hand. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line and there was absolutely no emotion to her hazel eyes or the way she scanned him so thoroughly. She may be shorter than the wizard, however he could feel the energy emanating from her body and dominating her surroundings. It made her red hair seem as if she was really on fire and from what he remembered, there was a very good chance she might actually resort to that. Kakashi instinctively searched for his wand in case he needed it. He hoped he would not.

"I didn't know you were back," she said emotionlessly, arms dropped to her side as if she had just happened to find herself in the middle of that bookshop of all places. Her voice was inflexible, almost an echo, a ghost.

"Two weeks ago," he replied in an even, polite tone.

Silence fell – deafening and unpleasant. Both of them kept staring at each other with measuring glances, wondering who would make the next move, wondering what that move would be. His right dark grey eye raced across the bookshop and realized she was standing in the middle of the only exit way. He glanced to her left and to her right for the briefest of seconds and found a quick escape route. All he had to do was stun the witch before she made her move, but he had to be faster than her and remember that that was no place to use his Sharingan. Were it another person, he would not worry about any of that, yet that woman happened to be the only person that matched his skills. His brows furrowed once again.

"How do you like Britain so far?"

Her abrupt question almost had him lose his balance. Quickly, he allowed his eye to settle on her face once more, every corner of her appearance screaming distance, indifference…

"It looks the same. But then it also doesn't," he answered, eyes locked on hers.

"Indeed," she agreed with a harsh nod and then narrowed her eyes.

Kakashi could still sense the hot waves dancing around her figure even though he could not see them. He knew that feeling very well, but one thing was to duel and another completely different thing was to fight. Part of him thought she might not attack him after all; that witch had never been irrational and attacking someone in broad daylight in the middle of a bookshop was not exactly her modus operandis. On the other hand, her wrath was almost palpable and it was like she was feeding on her bitter and angry thoughts the more she looked at him.

Sighing heavily, the wizard realized he did not know what to expect. He did not know what to do. From a very young age, Kakashi had learned not to give in to hopelessness, not to be helpless. He had become a very resourceful person, cunning to the bone, thus the reason he knew he belonged in Slytherin even before the Sorting Hat shrieked that name in front of everyone. He had faced every challenge, every training, every mission – _everything_ – with the utmost fiber and purpose; even on the verge of despair and horror, he had not given in. One could call it courage, but he knew it was something else. He refused to give up. He had found a solution, he had found an answer, he had found a way. Now, standing in front of Amelia Hardy, he suddenly realized there was no solution, no answer, no way. There was nothing, only the shadow of his former best friend watching him as if Kakashi was _nothing_.

It was like time had stopped. No matter how hard he stared at her, the witch had no response. Her façade did not waver, not even once. He remembered that expression all too well – he had seen her stubborn stance more than a thousand times. Nonetheless, that indifference, that arrogance – it had been different back them. There had been warmth beneath her eyes. In that very moment, Kakashi knew she had never looked at him so coldly.

"Mia! There you are!"

A small red-haired girl hurried across the corridor, her eyes lighting up when they caught sight of the woman. Flustered, she turned around and waved back. He felt the fire waves subside almost immediately.

"Mia! Mummy says I already have too many books! Can you tell her that's not possible?"

He saw the way Amelia's shoulders eased as the little girl looked up with a small pout and a large wrinkle in between her eyebrows. Kakashi could not help but smile at the scene. The girl looked like a miniature version of Amelia – from her flushed cheeks to the bossy look in her eyes and then her beautiful red hair, which had been braided by the woman who was obviously her older sister.

"You do have too many books," Amelia sighed half-heartedly, her voice now regaining some of the tone he was used to. Instead of making him feel better, though, he felt something else. "I will try to reason with her, Ly."

"Mia, who is that?", the little girl asked in a quiet tone, hugging the book against her chest, her eyes glued at the wizard at the end of the corridor.

For the briefest of seconds, Amelia's body stiffened and her fists curled up in balls to her side. The little girl remained oblivious to the tension between the duo and simply kept watching the tall silver-haired wizard with a curious and hesitant expression. It seemed safer now to move, so Kakashi took the cue and stepped forward until he was closer to Amelia than he had been in what felt like a lifetime. Her contempt was obvious, yet she made no move.

"You must be Lyra," Kakashi crouched so that he was at her eye-level.

"How do you know me, Mister?", she barely whispered, her mouth forming an O and Kakashi found himself smiling encouragingly to the girl, even though his mind was now trying to answer that seemingly ordinary question that proved to be much more difficult than he could anticipate.

"He's an old fr- _we went to school together,_ Ly," Amelia answered silently, her eyes narrowed as she watched the two of them. He saw the way she cursed under her breath at her mistake and Kakashi felt some sympathy towards her; he would probably have done the same.

"I'm Kakashi," he introduced himself with another smile, one that Amelia had seen a thousand times and that made his right eye close. Her lips curled up in disdain.

There was no answer. Instead, he noticed the way Lyra examined his face for about thirty seconds and he could already anticipate her question with some resignation.

"Is your hair really that color? You don't look much older than Mia!"

He almost fell on his back. Another smile sprouted in his lips. She seemed completely indifferent to his headband or the way it covered his left eye. Yes, Lyra was indeed Amelia's sister through and through…

"It is," he chuckled and Amelia rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath. "And yes, we are the same age."

"That is so cool!," Lyra beamed enthusiastically, her green eyes lighting up as they regarded his hair for a bit longer. "Mr. Kakashi, what House were you at?"

The change in her demeanor was drastic, her amazement replaced by a serious and muted tone that made him frown almost at once. Kakashi stole a glance at Red and realized she was watching him with an unreadable expression that made him very unsettled.

"Lyra got her letter just last week," she explained briefly, raking her fingers through her hair "Now she is obsessed with the Sorting Ceremony, of course."

"And which House would you choose, Lyra?"

"Hufflepuff."

Both Kakashi and Amelia snorted at the same time and then locked eyes afterwards, glaring at each other.

"She is _also_ obsessed with that. I told her it doesn't really matter which House she's sorted into…"

"…but she can do better than that," he finished Amelia's sentence with amusement and the woman seemed to suppress a smirk he was all too familiar with by fidgeting with some skin around her index finger.

"What's wrong with Hufflepuff?," Lyra asked, stomping her feet on the ground, her brows wrinkled once again as she gazed from the witch to the wizard with visible annoyance.

"Nothing, Ly," Amelia sighed, scratching her chin, "but there's nothing special about it, though."

"Were you a Gryffindor too, Mr. Kakashi?", the little girl asked, grimacing at her big sister.

"No, Lyra, I was a Slytherin," he answered, a small smirk gracing his stoic features while Amelia rolled her eyes once again and then folded her arms. "My point is, you can definitely do better than Hufflepuff."

"My Daddy was a Slytherin too," she smiled wanly, hugging the book closer to her chest and scratching a foot on the ground.

"That's why he liked Kakashi so much."

They turned around just in time to see another witch join them, her pace slow but elegant. Kakashi got to his feet and followed her movements. The brown-haired woman had some white hairs to her crown, was carrying a wooden cane this time, and seemed to be struggling with her steps judging by her speed, but her face was as kind as he remembered. She paused beside her daughter and titled her head to the side as if to drink in his presence. Her daughter, on the other hand, looked like a different person altogether. The slight ease she had regained around her sister was suddenly gone and she fidgeted uncomfortably on the spot, her eyes glancing every second at her Mum.

"Kakashi Hatake, it's been so long."

"Mrs. Hardy, it's so good to see you again."

The woman approached him and raised a trembling hand to touch his face. Behind her, Amelia fidgeted once again and unfolded her arms. Over Mrs. Hardy's shoulders, Kakashi saw the way Amelia's hands trembled as if she wanted to touch her Mum, maybe help keep her steady. Kakashi decided to pretend he had not really noticed her fragility, so he cupped the woman's hand and allowed her to take in his presence.

"You look even taller than last time," she laughed gracefully, her brown eyes sparkling brightly.

"You are too kind, Mrs. Hardy," he responded with a gentle smile. Then, he glimpsed at Amelia, who was now biting hard on her lips, and a small crease appeared in between his eyebrows.

"Mummy, so you know Mr. Kakashi too?"

"Yes, Lyra, he's your sister's best friend," she clarified, patting Lyra's head, oblivious to the way Kakashi looked down at his own feet and held his books more tightly; Amelia grunted under her breath, nostrils flared. "Your Daddy loved having him around. He always felt like our home was too Gryffindor for his liking with your sister and myself," the witch chuckled and shook her head full of sweet reminiscences. "It's been a long time, dear. I didn't know you were back, Kakashi."

"I arrived two weeks ago."

"And do you have anywhere to stay?"

"Yes, thank you, Mrs. Hardy," he answered quickly just as Amelia opened her mouth to argue.

"So Lyra, about that book…," the witch turned around with a knowing look, sighing heavily.

"Mummy, no one can ever have too many books!"

"I know, sweetheart. So how about we buy it and go back home so your sister can catch up with her friend?"

Lyra's eyes sparkled with excitement, but an immediate protest ruined the effect.

"Mum…," Amelia began, but Anya Hardy raised her hand politely before her daughter could rant.

"It's just the Floo Network, dear, and Lyra's already a big girl. She can help me with that."

"Mum, that's not what I was going to say," Amelia carried on, nostrils flared, her stubbornness making her look like she was a fifteen year-old again. "You cannot possibly be serious."

"Mrs. Hardy, I was really heading back home and I don't mean to impose my presence here."

"Nonsense," she waved her hand dismissively, ignoring the strained expressions in both Kakashi's and Amelia's faces, her expression now lively and much more put-together than seconds before. "Lyra and I will go back home, we already have everything we need. Kakashi, you're invited for dinner whenever you want. In fact, isn't your birthday coming up? Two weeks after school starts?"

"Mrs. Hardy…"

"Then it's settled," she clapped her hands and finished with an enigmatic smile. Ignoring her visibly frustrated older daughter, she turned around to take Lyra's hand. The little girl looked so happy that she did not seem to be listening to anything they were saying. "Amelia, please give him our address. We also expect you on September 15th. It was absolutely marvelous to see you, my dear. I am so glad you are finally back."

Mother and daughter walked back and silence fell once again – deafening and unpleasant. This time, though, it was a complete different kind of silence. Instead of the silent wrath emanating from Amelia's body and that seemed to threaten to swallow Kakashi, they were now enveloped in coldness, in something so dark that it did not even feel they were in the middle of a summer afternoon anymore. Kakashi's thoughts were clouded, his mind racing quickly as he tried to decide what to do next.

When was the last time he had felt so vulnerable? He honestly did not remember… Maybe a lifetime before.

He was not expecting to meet Amelia Hardy so soon. Yet, they were now staying in front of each other, two complete strangers that had once been best friends. There was no shadow of her former self. She had no resemblance to the red-haired girl who had a witty comeback to every smart remark of his. She had no resemblance to the Gryffindor girl who had stood up to everyone who had made fun of him. She had no resemblance to the stubborn-looking girl who had spent countless days teaching him how to brew potions so he would please his favorite teacher. She had no resemblance to the best friend who had stood faithfully to his side every summer holidays when he visited _their_ graves.

Nothing about her indicated she had any feelings towards him other than the utmost contempt.

Maybe she was really an echo, a ghost of her old self. Maybe that had been lost forever. He had once heard that losing everything also meant you could be free to do anything you wanted. But what if what you want is exactly what you have lost? He doubted anyone could really explain what that felt like. Ironically, that seemed to be the only constant to his life: _loss_. And to think it was exactly because of _that_ and because he was so _afraid of that_ that he had turned his back on Amelia….

Now all he had left was to deal with the very hatred he had nurtured, a demon crafted by his own hands.

Why did he have to come back to London again? Why did he decide to leave his old life and venture himself in something that would certainly lead to that very situation? He had had a choice. He had seen Amelia in that bloody newspaper and he could have said no, he could have denied the Minister's request and stayed back. If he was so tired of Tokyo, he could have gone elsewhere. Rather than any of that, though, Kakashi had decided to come back knowing that there was a very good chance he would bump into Amelia Hardy, knowing that there was a very good chance he would have to deal with his past, with his mistakes.

Mistakes… He had all sorts of them. His stay in Tokyo was full of them. But his old life in Britain had the biggest of them and it was right now staring at him as if they were two complete strangers, as if he was less than nothing. Nonetheless, Kakashi still clung to it. In spite of learning not to trust his emotions, in spite of learning to think with his mind, to be rational, to use logic and be reasonable, it was still there. In spite of everything he had been taught in order to be the wizard that he was, he still clung to it.

" _So now you know who I am. Tell me about you."_

" _What about it?," he stammered, dragging his fingers through his silver hair as he always did whenever he got nervous about something._

" _I don't know. Who you are, what you like, what you hate… Your dreams for the future, your hobbies…"_

" _Why would I tell you any of that?," he asked in a tone that conveyed he found her ludicrous._

"' _Cause I've just shared mine," she replied as though he was being insensitive._

"' _Cause you wanted to, Red."_

" _If we are friends, we should know each other," she explained with a heavy sigh._

_He stalled immediately and Amelia only noticed ten seconds after. She stopped, turned around, her hair flying around her figure as a cold breeze rushed over them. Kakashi was mouthing something to himself and she could not really see his face from afar, so the small witch made a beeline to him, her brows creased with concern. Then, he raised his eyes with a very serious, almost solemn expression, and opened up his mouth._

" _I'm Kakashi Hatake. Things I like and things I hate… I don't feel like telling you that. My dreams for the future… never really thought about it. As for my hobbies… I have lots of hobbies."_

" _You are really weird," she muttered after blinking three times, raising one eyebrow and clearly torn between chastising the boy or smiling at his honest answer. "That's a cool answer, though."_

There it was. That was why he had come back to London. The answer was right there, literally staring at him.

"Red…"

"We can just ignore her and pretend we did something together. I'll come up with a story."

"Red…"

"I don't know what she was thinking…," she threw her hands up in the air, muttering something inaudible under her breath. "Yeah, I will tell her something else and…"

"Amelia."

The effect was instant. She paused and regarded him quietly, her eyes beginning to narrow.

"What?"

"Would you have some tea with me? Muggle London?"

For over a minute, there was no reaction. Both of them stood exactly where they were. Kakashi saw the way her lips moved as she muttered his words under her breath, her lips moving slowly, silently. Amelia studied him in silence – his lopsided headband, the faintest glimmer of anticipation in his visible eye, the slight hesitance in his straightened back, the way his casual indifference was ruined by the way he was staring at her so pointedly. The wizard could swear he saw a small flicker in her hazel eyes, the way they softened for the briefest of seconds. Before he could glance a second time, though, the witch scoffed and rolled her eyes, her demeanor cold and distant once again.

"Kakashi, you were never one to have such awful ideas. What happened in Tokyo?"

"Maybe I changed."

"Oh, yes, let's be that hopeful," she snarled with disdain, a small twitch in her right eye.

"Red, it's tea. You don't even have to drink if you don't want to."

"So shall I simply watch you drinking tea?"

"If that amuses you."

"Yes, you were always extremely amusing."

"You can always bring a book, of course," he mused, trying hard not to grin and instead focusing really hard on looking for _any_ reaction in her face. "A muggle novel, maybe."

"And then what?"

"I don't know. I can tell you what I like, what I hate, my dreams for the future and my hobbies. I think I have never really answered that question, have I?"

And there was it – it was definitely there this time. He could swear her lips twitched up if only for less than a second, the glimmer of amusement flickering in her eyes once again. Yet, it vanished the next second and he was left staring at her unreadable expression once more.

"Is that a yes, then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is here and I hope you guys enjoy it, even though it does end in a bit of a cliffhanger! Some things to be clear, though. I am taking inspiration from Kakashi's anime persona, but that does not mean that everything will happen the exact same way it did on canon. Mostly I will look for inspiration in his behavior, some decisive moments and his overall characteristics. I am very inspired by the character, to be honest, and whenever he is onscreen, I cannot help but pay close attention to everything he does and says just to make sure I stick to the character as faithfully as possible! Also, I am trying very hard to avoid spoilers – I have just started season 04 of Naruto! Anyway, please follow, favorite and review this chapter – it means very much to me! I would absolutely love to read your thoughts!


	3. Tea

_"Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike." ― Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_

X

 _It was late night and he was coming back from the library, his backpack heavy on his shoulders. He had managed to place an Undetectable Extension Charm and stuffed at least five different books there, but unfortunately that did not make the backpack any less heavy. Of course there was a solution for that, but the person from whom he had_ borrowed _that spell did not know, which meant he had to go along with what he had. Five books may seem a lot, but Kakashi was really hoping to learn Potions as much as he could without having to test his luck with Professor Snape. He may be the Head of Slytherin, but that did not mean he favored his students. Much on the contrary, actually. He could swear he had to outperform himself every class just to get a passing grade._

_He had his limitations and Potions was definitely one of them. Kakashi obviously refrained from using his left eye but that particular subject seemed determined in testing his resolve about that decision. He knew the Sharingan would not work on Potions, though. It didn't work like that. Even if it did, Professor Snape would most likely murder him if he ever caught him attempting to pull it off. Cheating was abominable and Kakashi was no cheater. He would rather stay up all night reading five different books on Potions to perfect his skills than pulling the unthinkable and betraying the trust of his favorite teacher._

" _Not so brave on your own, Hardy…"_

_The tall silver-haired first year student was about to take the shortcut he usually took to get faster to the dungeons when that cold hiss had him frozen mid-step._

" _Leave me alone," Kakashi heard an angry reply. The voice was female but the counterpart was definitely male and Kakashi decided to stay there and investigate the source of that commotion, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows._

" _I think not, Hardy."_

_He heard a swish and then another angry reply, and then a noise as if someone had fallen on the ground. He furrowed his brows and stepped forward as quietly as he could, his hands scraping the surface of the cold stone walls._

" _Get off me! Give me back my wand!"_

" _Look at how helpless she is without her wand!," a different but also male voice exclaimed, its tone full of scorn and disdain._

_Kakashi did not know what to do. It was as though he was frozen on the ground, unable to move his legs or muster any ounce of a reaction other than listening to those vicious voices and the pleading sound of her voice. It was like he had unlearned how to move._

" _Yeah, as helpless as those poor bastards your kin murdered in cold blood!"_

" _It's not my fault!"_

" _You're a Hardy, it_ is _your fucking fault! Everyone may act as though you are innocent, but her blood runs in your veins! To me, that makes you as guilty as that crazy hag!"_

_Kakashi exhaled silently, his heart beating fast against his ribcage, his ears fully aware of his surroundings and making everything sound ten times louder. That had to be Amelia Hardy, a Gryffindor first year student with whom he had never spoken, and those two boys had probably cornered her looking for vengeance. He had heard some bits and pieces about the episode and apparently a witch from Hardy's family had set an entire wing of the St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies on fire and killed fifty people including herself. The episode had taken place eight years before and no one could really explain what had happened. Some said it had been Fiendfyre, others claimed that the witch had conjured a dragon. His father had come home that day after working for almost twenty-four hours straight and Kakashi had eavesdropped his conversation with his mother. "Inferno," he had said, to which his Mum had audibly gasped. He had yet to figure out what that meant. Thinking of them hurt too much, but thankfully her voice interrupted his thoughts before they could spiral out of control._

" _Leave me alone!"_

" _No, Hardy, we can't leave you alone! You see, you're here, safe and sound. I can't say the same about my Grandma."_

" _Or my cousin. He was six, you know?"_

" _That is not my fault! Leave me alone, you bastards! Give me back my wand! Take on me fair and square if you still think I had anything to do with that!"_

_Both of the boys laughed another time, their laughter echoing wickedly through the walls. Kakashi could feel his entire body trembling, her words ringing inside his ears, his fists involuntarily clenching to his side. The face of his Dad flashed in front of his eyes, then the face of his Mum, and then it was like he was back at that place, fully drenched in blood and seeing red everywhere. There was red everywhere..._

" _Come on, Alph. It's time someone teaches this Hardy a lesson."_

" _Leave her alone."_

 _Kakashi did not even realize he had dropped his backpack and stepped into that corridor. Amelia Hardy was pinned against the wall, her lips split and her face almost glowing in the dark given how pale she looked. Thomas Ronin and Alphonse Belby watched their Slytherin classmate, wide-eyed. They were much taller, much more built, much stronger than the skinny silver-haired Kakashi and it dawned upon him that he had not given much thought as to what he would do after standing up for that girl. He looked like he didn't stand a chance, yet he_ had to _do something. The two sixth year students exchanged a glance and then Alphonse made his way to Kakashi, a large smirk stretching across his round face._

" _Hatake. I always thought you were a filthy little traitor."_

" _I don't want to hurt you, Belby."_

" _Hurt me, Hatake?," he laughed wickedly another time, a malicious smile dancing in his lips, while Kakashi stared at him narrow-eyed, his visible eye screaming coldness. "I hate traitors as much as murderers. Stup-…"_

 _Kakashi stepped to the left to avoid the spell and ducked his head. The red jet exploded on the wall and he turned around fast, his visible dark grey eye widening. That was beyond anything he knew. What was the name of the spell again? Had anyone taught him how to use that? Was there a counterspell? He felt so scared. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but tremble from head to toe. He just wanted those two boys to leave Amelia Hardy alone. He just wanted to go back to his dorms and study Potions under his bedsheets. That girl was not a friend of his, they had never spoken to each other, they were not even in the same House, he just happened to know who she was. However, he knew it was not fair for her to pay for the mistakes of her kin, much less when she was just a kid. Kakashi knew it was not right. He_ had to _do something. His Dad had taught him that much._

" _Stop dancing around, Hatake! Impedimenta!"_

_This time the spell hit him hard while he tried to dodge and he was thrown on his back, landing helplessly on the ground and seeing stars flash in front of his eye. Alphonse seemed very pleased with himself and laughed again, taking his time to approach Kakashi slowly, clearly enjoying the way the young boy was glued on the ground, unable to move, staring at him with a mix of shock and hesitance. Still, Kakashi knew it had not been a very good spell for he was already starting to feel his movements again, his fingers tingling around his wand. He decided to play along and let the sixth year think he had the upper hand. He had promised not to use it unless he really needed it and he knew the moment had just come…_

_Kakashi pulled off his black lopsided headband and stared at Alphonse. The student ignored the sight of Kakashi's left red eye._

" _Guess it's time for you to learn some respect for your superiors, Hatake. Stupefy!"_

_Kakashi dodged the spell another time by rolling to his left at the last second, but he knew it had worked. He just needed Alphonse to do it again, believe Kakashi was going to replay the same movement and move to the left yet again._

" _Stu-"_

_It happened very fast._

" _Stupefy!", Kakashi screamed before Alphonse could finish his spell._

_The red jet exploded in the middle of his chest, the older student froze and was thrown on his back against the wall. Kakashi got up clumsily, stepped forward, held his wand steadily and watched his Slytherin classmate with a blank expression, a wave of calmness suddenly washing over him. Then Thomas Ronin screamed and dashed towards Kakashi, a maniac and horrified look in his face._

" _Stu-"_

" _Stupefy!", Kakashi screamed a second time._

_Much like his classmate, Ronin froze and smashed against the opposite wall, falling unconscious beside the other one. Kakashi allowed himself to watch that display for another five seconds or so before something rung in his consciousness and he pocketed his wand, stepping back to watch what he had done. The two teenagers were piled on the ground, clearly out cold. Kakashi grabbed his black headband as the consequences of his actions began tingling in the back of his mind, making his hands quiver pathetically once again. Then, a soft voice came out of nowhere._

" _You saved me."_

_Kakashi turned around, headband in hand, and realized that Amelia Hardy was staring at him._

" _There's some blood on your lips," he told her tonelessly and she wiped it with impatience._

" _I'm Amelia Hardy."_

" _Kakashi Hatake."_

_He immediately noticed the way her gaze trailed off over him – it went from his Slytherin emerald-green scarf to his silver spiky hair and then, of course, landed right on his left red eye and the scar that ran over it and stopped right below his left cheek. Disappointment ensued – why did everyone have to pay attention to that? Why was that thing bigger than himself? In a split second, though, he realized her expression was different. There was no judgment, no prying eyes, just outright curiosity as if it was really the first time she had ever seen him in her life._

" _You have the Gaze, don't you?"_

_Nothing could have prepared him for that. His lips parted and his eyes widened while the red-haired girl kept studying him with an imperturbable aura that was betrayed only by the way she was rubbing her left hand on her right forearm in an apologetic, almost hesitant tone._

" _I've read about it. That's the Gaze, isn't it? Isn't it a family heritage?"_

_She was mostly right, of course. The British called it "The Gaze". As for the rest of her sentence, it was indeed a family heritage, even though that certainly did not apply to his case._

" _We call it Sharingan," he mumbled gravely, fists closed to his side, watching her with measuring eyes. How did she know about any of that? "And how do you know about it?," he blurted out, both eyes narrowed._

"' _Cause I have one too. Inferno."_

_Amelia Hardy opened up her left hand and a small flame danced in the middle of her palm, lighting up the dim corridor. It did not look very strong, but it certainly gave him an idea as to what had happened in that hospital wing. Kakashi decided almost at once that he rather liked the effect that the fire had on her red hair, the way the flames seemed almost like little wisps that had just escaped a bonfire._

" _It was not my fault, though. What they accused me. My family… My Dad and I… we're not like that. That was_ her _thing. I've never even met my Aunt..."_

_Her voice seemed so distant as if she was talking from the bottom of a cliff. Kakashi furrowed his brows in concentration and realized that his Sharingan could not copy her movements._

" _It doesn't work," he muttered to himself, touching his mouth with his index finger._

" _What?"_

" _My Sharingan. I can't copy it."_

_He seemed surprised at his limitation and Amelia closed her palm, leaving them in the dark once again. There, in the middle of that dark corridor, Kakashi fidgeted with his headband, his heart racing as he considered the consequences of his actions. He had attacked a fellow student – not one, but two. He had used his Sharingan. He could be expelled by any of those things, he could be dumped once again at that bloody orphanage that he absolutely hated with all his guts. And for what?_

" _You saved me," the girl said with confidence, her jaw clenched proudly, her eyes on fire as if she had just read his mind._

" _I don't think it works like that," he countered almost angrily, averting his eyes._

" _Why not?," she stomped her foot on the ground, her determination unwavering._

" _Look at what I've done, Red."_

_Being a ginger, Amelia had been called "Red" countless times by countless people. It had never sounded like that, though._

" _Let me help you," she said softly, extending her hand. Kakashi gaped at her for a moment before he realized she was talking about his headband. The little witch nodded her head with persistence another time, the tone of her voice undisturbed at his guardedness, at the veiled expression in his eyes. "Here, give it to me. Then we will find Professor Snape and tell him what happened. You're his favorite student."_

" _He will not believe you, Red. You're a Gryffindor," he muttered, his lips barely moving, headband still firm on his hand._

" _Please," she scoffed in a patronizing tone, raising one eyebrow as if she had done that a thousand times before. "I am practically a Slytherin. I asked the Sorting Hat to put me in Gryffindor instead."_

" _I didn't know you could do that," he mused breathlessly, his eyes widening slightly._

" _Doesn't say anywhere you can't," she retorted with a crooked and sly little smile and he realized he was so stunned by her reasoning that his legs had suddenly stopped working. All he could do was gape at that stubborn creature that had made him lose his words. "Trust me, Snape will believe me. Plus, I have the best grades in Potions. I think I may have some leverage."_

_Taking advantage of his momentary astonishment, she snatched the black headband out of his hands and motioned for him to turn around._

" _You're too smart for a first year," he sighed heavily after a full minute, turning around and allowing the girl to help him._

" _We both are, Kakashi," she replied, tying the knot so Kakashi's Sharingan was fully concealed once again except for that part of his scar that his headband could not really cover. It was the first time any person had used his first name ever since he had stepped foot in that school and the boy could not help but appreciate the effect. "I like it better your way._ Sharingan _. The Gaze sounds like one of those Divination stupidities."_

" _Guess you won't be taking Divination classes," he spun around and gave her a lopsided smile._

" _Who cares about guessing the future?"_

Kakashi smiled to himself as he thought about the first time he had ever spoken to Amelia Hardy. True to her word, she had found Professor Snape later that night and vouched for him. Her leverage was much more than her grades, though. She had outright professed she would owl her parents and tell her Dad, who was Snape's best friend, that he had punished the very person who had saved her life. It was the first time Kakashi had ever seen Snape being cornered by someone – his right eye had twitched, his lips had crisped in an unpleasant smile and he had commended her "utmost loyalty" with a snarl, his drawled voice sounding even more spiteful than the usual. Throughout their friendship, however, he had lost count of the number of times she had confronted the Potions Master, clenched her jaw stubbornly and gave him one of her witty replies. Perhaps she was the only person who could do that to the wizard.

Now, sitting in front of Amelia in a corner of that muggle tea house downtown London, Kakashi could not help but wonder if she still remembered that episode as fondly as he did. Judging by her demeanor, he might not like the answer, but he was clinging to a small hope that she in fact did, even if it was like she did not even know he was there. In that very moment, her hazel eyes were examining the menu as if it was the most interesting thing they had ever seen. It was like Kakashi was not even there.

"Can I take your order?," the attendant approached them with a kind smile and a second glance at Kakashi. He pretended not to see, though, and laid his eyes on the back of the menu that Red had in her hands.

"Tea," she answered shortly and without looking up, handing back the menu to the waiter. The muggle woman looked slightly upset at such careless behavior and after pausing for a moment to see what was going on, Kakashi forced an encouraging and apologetic smile.

"Can I borrow one of those?", he asked, tilting his head to indicate her pen.

"Sure," she replied with slight embarrassment.

"I thought you wouldn't accept it," she muttered after the woman left them. Amelia was holding her head on her right hand, her eyes scanning the tea house as if looking for an excuse not to address the wizard in front of her.

"You've just said you didn't know I was back," he replied with raised eyebrows. He took a paper napkin, unfolded it over the table and began drawing something there.

"I didn't. But I knew the Minister was going to talk to you," Amelia retorted unemotionally, her lips crisping.

"How?"

"I work for him too. Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

Obviously they were going to work together. Neat.

"And you didn't try to change his mind?"

"Thought I wouldn't need. I supposed you wouldn't accept it."

"So he didn't tell you I was coming back?"

"I was on a leave for the past two weeks," Amelia clarified, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Really? Where did you go?"

"Greece."

Kakashi allowed his visible eye to study her complexion. Funny, it looked like she had not seen the sun in at least six months. When he finished his drawing and marked an X in the upper left side, he opened his mouth again, tapping the pen on the back of his hand as he pondered what to say next.

"When I accepted it, I already knew you worked for the Ministry," he fidgeted with the folded sleeves of his shirt, his forearms bare, his tone seemingly unpreoccupied. Even though her eyes were currently studying the flowered wallpaper (although he knew how much she loathed flower patterns), Kakashi noticed a faint glance sideways and a slight pull to her lips.

"How did you know?", she blurted out without looking at him and Kakashi merely leaned back on his chair with a smug close-lipped smile.

"Saw that Gala in the Daily Prophet."

For the first time since they had arrived there, Amelia had some reaction other than avoiding him. She snorted indignantly and shook her head, a slight brush tinting her pale skin. Kakashi's lips twitched but he decided not to press her too much especially when her eyes darted from the wallpaper and settled on the wizard in front of her.

"It was dreadful," she mumbled with a reprimanding look, rubbing her fingers on her collarbone until her skin turned pink. "I was forced to go to that bloody thing."

"Yes, I could tell by your face," he agreed mischievously while she glared at him, her eyes sparkling with annoyance, her hand now toying with her golden necklace and twirling the pendant between her fingers. "Black and white picture or not, I can still look past your façade."

"Stop flattering yourself, Kakashi," she sneered and dropped the necklace, fists balled over the table, while he simply shrugged.

"I'm merely trying to understand the dynamics of my new employment."

" _Liar_ ," Amelia hissed at him while Kakashi drummed his fingers absentmindedly on the table, his blank expression betrayed by the slight lopsided pull to his lips. He tapped the pen once again on the back of his hand, enjoying the way he had finally gotten her attention. "Don't worry, though. Aurors are not required to attend that. Not even a celebrity like yourself. Copy wizard," she scoffed under her breath, raising one eyebrow at the wizard.

His face dropped and it was his time to scowl at the woman. Something churned inside his stomach – he was used to their friendly banters, but that was different, even if her meanness had been slightly ruined by the small blush that crept onto her cheeks and the way her eyes darted to her lap coyly.

"Go, make your move," he grumbled and pushed the paper napkin towards the woman, putting the pen in front of her folded arms.

"What?"

"Make your move," he insisted disinterestedly, toying with the folded sleeves of his shirt. "Do you still remember our score? I think we were tied."

"No, we weren't," she shot back with another sneer, but Kakashi could see her thoughts trail off for the briefest of seconds. With an impatient huff and a toss of her hair over her shoulders, she marked an O right in the center.

"I work at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement like you, Red, but I'm no longer an Auror," he muttered, leaning forward and studying the paper napkin closely, right eyebrow raised.

"We'll always be aurors. The difference is that now I have a desk job."

"And I am there to train the juniors," he shrugged casually. "What do you do anyways?"

"Intelligence," she answered, quietly, her eyes lingering a second longer in the fragment of his scar that peeked from underneath his headband. Then, they found their way back to the paper napkin and waited for his next move. "Started nine months ago," her voice sounded almost remorseful and Kakashi could swear her lips crisped for the briefest of seconds before her façade was right back in place.

The waiter brought their tea and served them silently, glancing another time at Kakashi as if she hoped the silver-haired man would address her. However, he kept studying the paper napkin pensively and was completely oblivious to the disappointment imprinted in the young woman's face when she left them alone once again.

"Lyra seems very clever for her age," he muttered after finally making his move and passing the paper napkin back to Amelia. The witch sipped her tea in silence, her shoulders relaxing and a shadow of a smile formed in her lips before she confirmed his impression with a curt nod.

"She's the brightest witch of her age. We had some bouts of improper use of magic, you know, but I think she's now doing much better. She was so happy to finally get her wand earlier today."

"Your Mum must be really proud," he pointed out. Her hand clutched the pen, knuckles white.

"She is," she agreed without looking up. A minute of uncomfortable silence went by and Kakashi considered her quietly. Then, the witch licked her lips, inhaled deeply and raised her eyes. "Look, Kakashi, I only agreed to having tea with you because of five reasons: polite courtesy, setting some things straight because we happen to work for the same person now, perhaps a bit of curiosity, maybe a tad of misjudgment and obviously a whole lot of delusion. But let me be very clear here: this doesn't change absolutely anything. We're not friends anymore. I remember you being very adamant on that. I remember you deciding that for the both of us. I remember the way you stopped talking to me and decided to pretend I didn't exist."

Kakashi took in her sharp words with casual indifference, his dark grey eye watching her face blankly, hands clasped on top of the wooden table. He bent a leg over his knee and reciprocated her gaze without as much as blinking. Amelia scrutinized his seemingly aloof demeanor, her hazel eyes looking for a flaw, a crack in his façade. Nonetheless, he remained still and only moved when she gave him the napkin back. She had already cornered him. Cursing mentally, Kakashi wrote down their score and started another game, marking down an X once again and handing the paper napkin back to her.

"I know we are not, Red. That doesn't mean I don't worry about you or your Mum or…"

"My sister? The very one you didn't even meet because you suddenly decided to end our friendship when you stopped talking to me and began acting as though we hadn't been best friends for years?"

The man exhaled audibly. Amelia's pressed lips made her look twenty years older. Her hazel eyes looked empty. And yet, Kakashi knew she had blown off only a minuscule part of her frustration, of her anger, of her hurt. He did not move and kept studying her behavior until she marked her move in the paper napkin and almost threw it carelessly at him, her hands trembling as she hugged herself and rubbed her fingers maybe a bit too harshly on her upper arms.

"You may act so noble, but you're still the same, Kakashi," she spat through a hiss.

"You're right, Amelia."

"Then why are we here? Why did you invite me for tea?", the woman leaned forward, angrily, clutching the edge of the table, nostrils flared.

"I don't know, Red," he finally admitted, sighing heavily. The words had simply escaped his lips and he wished he could take them back, but he knew that she of all people deserved his unconditional honesty. It was precisely because of that that they had reached that very point. "I don't know."

"You don't know?," she repeated, leaning back with exasperation. "You don't know!"

It would have hurt less if she had gotten to her feet and jinxed, cursed him. Instead, silence fell between them – deafening and uncomfortable once again. Kakashi realized he did not know what to do besides finishing that bloody game and matching their scores, getting himself another chance. But then again, how many more chances would he need? How many more opportunities would he have to find to… He could not even bring himself to finish that sentence. There was simply too many things he needed to fix. He did not even know where to begin. He marked an X and passed the paper napkin back to her.

"Why did you leave Tokyo?," her question disrupted his thoughts.

"It wasn't home. I wanted to come back home."

"Right," she scoffed and shook her head with disbelief, gripping the cup of tea.

Kakashi settled his visible eye on Amelia and studied her attitude. She looked so different, yet she was basically the same person. Same long, beautiful red hair. Same freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose. Same hazel eyes. Same slightly puckered lips. Same stubborn look. Nevertheless, that was not his best friend. Kakashi knew he had erased that person the moment he had decided ten years before to end their friendship. As a result, he found himself there trying to scavenge for breadcrumbs and playing silly games just so he could be with her again, just so he could relive those moments when he had been truly happy, just so he could believe there was still a chance. Instead, he found contempt, coldness, emptiness, hurt, _nothing_.

It was all his fault. And what for? _Nothing_.

Why was it so difficult telling her the truth?

"Red," he muttered.

Amelia shook herself out of her reverie, realizing that her cup of tea was steaming in between her hands, the surface of the tea literally fuming. She had been clutching it with such fierce determination that she had not even realized what she was doing. Slightly embarrassed, she pulled her hands away and avoided his gaze, grasping the paper napkin back so she could make her mark, her fingers looking reddish and sore.

"Did you already visit them?," Amelia asked, her voice slightly husky.

"The day I got here," he swallowed hard and clenched his fists. "My place isn't that far."

"My Dad's there too."

"Yeah, I know. I visited him too," his voice trailed off as he sipped his tea.

A quick glance at Amelia saw the way she bowed her head, crestfallen, and she suddenly looked much more human, very much there, much more than she had looked all that afternoon. His heart dropped to his stomach. Had he forgotten how much it still hurt?

"Red, I didn't plan on bumping on you so soon."

"But you did plan."

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Because-"

"In your mind, when you planned this, did we make amends? Did you ever tell me why? Did you apologize? Did I forgive you?"

Her words spluttered out and Kakashi realized he could not find an answer to her questions. Her chest was going up and down erratically, her lips parted as if she wanted to take her outburst back. Deep down, he knew how to reply to every single one of her inquiries. Yet, his voice was nowhere to be found and he realized it was simply much better to pick the paper napkin back and draw an X to tie their scores. That would give him another chance. Maybe he would find his courage another day.

"Why did you have to do that?," she asked him through a whisper.

When Kakashi finally looked up, she was gone.

He was all alone. _Nothing_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: there you have it! This chapter is much longer than the previous ones, but I felt like I needed to start providing more context to both of our characters before moving forward with the story. I really hope you guys enjoy it and let me know your thoughts.


	4. Time

" _Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery." ― Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_

X

"You wanted to see me, Minister?"

"Oh yes, Kakashi. Please come in."

It was Kakashi's first day as a British Ministry of Magic employee and there was just one word to describe it: boring. It was not anyone's fault, of course, except perhaps for the very person who had decided to make the adult wizarding world so tiresome and full of such frustrating rules. From the moment he had stepped off the fireplaces that adorned the entrance of the Ministry of Magic, Kakashi felt completely out of his element. There was a horde of witches and wizards surrounding him, all of them looking just as brooding and serious as the next one, all of them wearing their sets of traditional wizarding robes, all of them speaking in hushed and grave tones. In the middle of that shiny and imposing hallway was Kakashi – a rather tall wizard whose spiky silver hair and lopsided headband looked like the antithesis of a Ministerial employee. Rather than wizarding robes, he had chosen something more practical – a combat outfit and a black mask that covered most of his face except for his right eye. He would supposedly train the junior aurors, which meant it seemed pointless to wear robes when his day to day would be comprised of hard training, dueling sessions and whatnot.

Apparently he was wrong. Nonetheless, he had ignored his coworkers' suspicious and judgmental looks by flicking a muggle book off his pocket and reading it all the way until he found himself at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Pretending not to hear their scoffs and snorts or glance at their prolonged looks was a different story altogether, but it was not like he was not used to that sort of treatment. Back in Tokyo and especially after _that_ episode, it seemed as though no one was making any effort to hide their comments about him.

Kingsley Shackelbolt's assistant had showed him his small office but Kakashi barely had any time to examine the diminutive room for she rushed him to meet the Ministry himself. Now, Kakashi found himself leaning against the wall on the back of Kingsley's much larger office while the rather imposing wizard finished tending to some paperwork.

"Have a seat," the Minister offered politely, gesturing towards a chair in front of his desk.

"I'm fine, Minister, thank you," Kakashi answered shortly, stuffing his hands inside his pockets and trying hard not to rest a leg against the wall.

The dark-skinned wizard looked up and raked his eyes over his employee's outfit but said absolutely nothing, his face devoid of any judgment. Kakashi could not help but feel his respect for the wizard increase yet again. Thankfully that man seemed to spare no time whatsoever for such mundane things.

"Has Frances showed you to your office?"

"Yes."

"Good. You shouldn't spend a lot of time there with the training but I always feel like having somewhere to stay behind closed doors is a bit of a luxury in this place," Kingsley chuckled and Kakashi nodded in agreement, brows furrowed as he listened to his boss. "So let me explain how this is going to work."

The silver-haired wizard straightened his back and stared forward, while Kingsley rubbed his hands excitedly.

"We are launching a new program to train our junior aurors. In the past months, there has been a number of unfortunate incidents, which made us question how hard we were training our recruits. For a long time, the Ministry invested too much in forming large squads but we overlooked how qualified they were. We believed most of our aurors had already received outstanding education thanks to Hogwarts and the N.E.W.T. levels, which are much higher and trying than any other profession in the wizarding world. Our program may look incredibly difficult and extensive to the outside world but the threats surrounding the wizarding world have grown much more dangerous as well. In summary, our naivety made us pay too much of a high price.

"Which is why we are launching this program. Traditionally our recruits train only for two years and take all the courses you may be familiar with. Concealment and Disguise, Stealth and Tracking, History of the Dark Arts, Resilience Training, Battle Instinct, Dueling in the Dark, Field Training, Poisons and Antidotes. Now, after these two years, we have selected our best twelve recruits and are offering them a new module focused entirely on perfecting their skills. In order to achieve that, I have gone after four of the best aurors in Britain and, well, _Japan_ , and turned them into teachers. All of you possess not only incredible real-life experience but also a stellar track record that is sure to allow our twelve recruits to become exceptional aurors in the short term.

"You will each take three students and throughout the course of one year train them in everything you deem suitable. There are no rules. You may choose to train them in whatever you find important for a top-notch auror to possess."

Kakashi barely moved throughout Kingsley's speech as the words of the Minister sunk in.

"And how are you going to assess how successful we are at teaching these recruits?"

"We'll test them against each other. Your squad members will duel other squad members every three months," the man explained immediately and Kakashi nodded his head another time. "I and the Head of the program will intervene if we deem it necessary."

"Are there really no rules?"

"Yes."

"Can I train my students in everything I judge necessary?"

"As long as it's legal, yes, you can."

"Good," Kakashi muttered, licking his lips, his mind already coming up with a list of things he had to teach his students. "Who am I taking?"

"Now, that's up to you," Kingsley picked up an electric blue folder and handed it over to Kakashi, who in turn waved his wand and accio'd the object. "These are the resumes of our recruits. You will read them thoroughly over the course of this week and shortlist your candidates. On Thursday I will have all teachers, the Head of the program and myself meet to kick this new program officially. Then, on Friday, you will get to meet the twelve candidates in person and make your final selection. Unless, of course, you have them already selected by Thursday."

"And if two teachers want the same student?"

"Then the student will select who they want to work with."

"Fair enough," Kakashi shrugged, flicking through the pages he had in his hand. He tried to conceal a smile as he gazed at that handwriting and caught sight of some words that he had only seen _her_ use that often. She really had a knack for long and difficult words and his eye had already caught sight of at least ten of those. "These look extremely detailed. Who prepared these resumes?"

"The Head of the program. Amelia Hardy."

"I thought she was Intelligence," he pressed on, reading through a paragraph about a girl named Julia Cresswell who was apparently a very skilled Legilimens.

"She is," Kingsley confirmed, tilting his head to the side as Kakashi casually read the files. "But she is helping me with this program since it was her idea to begin with. She helped select the twelve trainees and the instructors. Well, except for you. You were my idea."

Kakashi smiled to himself. He suspected Amelia had a very strong opinion on the Minister's decision.

"I'm sure I can make a decision just by reading these files," Kakashi told the Minister nonchalantly, closing it with a thud. "It seems Red hasn't missed any details on these juniors."

"You know Amelia?"

"We went to Hogwarts together," he clarified, scolding himself for calling her "Red", but the Minister did not seem to mind his slip for he looked much more relaxed than before.

"She was my best and most talented student," Kingsley told him, leaning forward and smiling broadly like a proud father. "I have never seen someone as stubborn and determined as that girl. She was top of her class, of course, and sometimes I wondered if she even had to make any effort. She was just a natural. She even took muggle fight lessons to learn to fight! I was an auror for many years and Head of the Auror Headquarters, but then decided to step out when my family became my priority. So I was eventually put in charge of Auror Training and she was one of my pupils. The things she told me…," he chuckled, shaking his head fondly and reminiscently. "I shouldn't play favorites but she is my favorite student. When I became Minister for Magic, Amelia was already heading her own squad. However, nine months ago she decided to do something else instead and started working for Intelligence. Amelia is a great girl, Kakashi, and as the Head of this program she is going to be key for the success of your squad."

Amelia had obviously left out that part when she told Kakashi what she did. He also wondered why she hadn't become a teacher herself when she was obviously the best auror they had in that department. Something was definitely off about that story. Maybe he would ask her later if she did not look like she was going to murder him on spot.

"Noted," Kakashi bowed his head and studied Kingsley quietly. "I will get to these files, then."

Mind racing for the thousandth time over the last two days, Kakashi went back to his office, sat down and rested his legs on top of the wooden desk, flicking through the pages of the files and watching the way Amelia's handwriting danced across the parchment sheets. Something he was so used to should not make him feel so overwhelmed, but then again it had been over a decade since he had seen something freshly written by her. Before that, her handwriting had always been everywhere. She had always been everywhere.

" _I thought we had agreed on summarizing only the key points, Red?"_

" _We had," she answered with a grimace while Kakashi scanned the page in front of them with a dumbfounded expression. The more he read, the more speechless he felt._

" _Why is it this long, then?", he looked from the piece of parchment to Amelia, shaking his head in disbelief. Amelia looked outraged at his remark, her nostrils flared, a stubborn look etched in her face, while Kakashi found himself gaping while he waited for an answer._

" _These are Transfiguration O.W.L.s, Kakashi," she replied, rolling her eyes and exhaling impatiently. "You should be thankful because I even edited myself. The other version was at least twenty inches longer."_

" _This is ten words short from an encyclopedia, Red," he stretched his neck and looked up, letting out a heavy and exasperated sigh. "It will take me days to get through this."_

" _Where's your Herbology summary, then?"_

" _Here," he answered after rummaging through his backpack, pulling a much shorter scroll. They had agreed to split the subjects and each of them was responsible for summarizing each half so they did not have to study everything altogether. "I'm not sure it's up to your standards, though."_

" _Sometimes I envy how concise you are, Kakashi," she said after a minute, her lips pouting ever so slightly, a wrinkle appearing in between her eyebrows. "I am sure this is as good as mine."_

" _Come on, Red. You're not actually praising me, are you?", he grinned, leaning back and putting both hands behind the nape of his neck._

" _Shut up, you git," Amelia snapped, kicking his shin under the table and Kakashi almost fell of the chair but managed to grasp the edge of the desk before losing his balance completely. "You took the easiest subject and you know it. Transfiguration is much harder than Herbology, of course your summary would be so short."_

" _You do have a point," he admitted, reading her Transfiguration notes once again and smiling mischievously. "Anyways, I wonder what those Ravenclaw swots will say when we get ten Outstanding O.W.L.s each without having to study as much as them."_

" _Well, just 'cause they are clever doesn't mean the rest of us aren't. By the way, will you ever manage to fix your own headband?"_

_Amelia glowered at the boy and rolled her eyes, putting herself up and getting behind Kakashi._

" _Hey there," he bent his head back and saw her frown upside down. Then, he smiled, his visible eye closing as he did so._

" _Git," she snarled halfheartedly, lips crisped and eyes narrowed. Then, with a small smile, Amelia pushed his head so he was facing forward, undid the knot and pulled the headband away while Kakashi closed his left eye just in case anyone was around. He did not need people asking him about his Sharingan. "You're not answering my question?"_

" _Which was?"_

" _Will you ever manage to fix your own headband?"_

" _You're always around to fix it, Red," he shrugged and Amelia pushed his head lightheartedly again, her fingers scraping softly his hair._

Both of them had gotten ten Outstanding O.W.L.s, obviously. He always spent summer holidays in her house, so he was there when their owls had come with the results. Kakashi could still remember the way she had thrown her arms around his neck after they had gotten their results and how apologetic and embarrassed both of them had looked afterwards. Mr. and Mrs. Hardy had treated them both to sandwiches and cheese buns hours after. Amelia had confessed to him later that day that she dreaded not making her parents proud of her. He had avoided her eyes when she had said that and retreated silently to the guest room. Kakashi had not managed to sleep that night wondering what his own parents would have done if they were alive. And then, Amelia had come to the guest room in the middle of the night and they had spent the entire night playing wizard chess without saying any word to each other. When morning had come and it was time for them to have breakfast, Amelia had got to her feet and fixed his headband for the thousandth time, both of them still quiet. Before exiting the bedroom, though, she had placed a hand over his shoulder and whispered something so quietly that he often wondered whether he had imagined her words. " _You said it yourself the other day, Kakashi. I'm always around to fix things for you_ ".

Before Kakashi could say anything back, Amelia had already left the guest bedroom. He had never thanked her for that. They had never spoken about that and it was not like it was needed. Their entire friendship was encompassed in that gesture – they simply got each other.

For the rest of the day, Kakashi read through her notes and added some remarks here and there whenever something caught his attention. As expected, the level of detail Amelia had grasped was exceptional and it was as if he could see his potential students materializing in front of his eyes. He suspected he knew who he was going to choose, of course,. Yet, he could not get past the pang inside his chest every time he saw the way Amelia crossed her T's or the way she wrote her capitalized A's when she started a sentence. Her traits were splattered everywhere across those pages – from her favorite words (there was "plethora" probably in every page) to her mannerisms (every paragraph was perfectly aligned even though she had written everything by hand), she was _everywhere_.

Kakashi exhaled heavily and studied her handwriting. It was as though she was closer than she had been even two days before when they had actually seen each other. Maybe it was because there were no cold glares of contempt or sharp words, or maybe it was because she was not there to remind him of his mistakes; he could not really explain it. Could he ever explain anything about that girl? Still, something about seeing how she looked like but was not the same person made his breath catch up on his throat. What a death he had died the day he had left…

And still, he had kept a piece of her with him all those days. Kakashi put a hand inside his pocket and gripped the silver pocket watch that Amelia had given him for his seventeenth birthday, not so long after the day they got their O.W.L. results. He kept holding the object by the string as it danced in front of his dark grey eye.

" _Happy Birthday, Kakashi."._

" _Thanks, Red," he put a hand clumsily behind his head and stared at the small box she had given him. They were sitting on a bench at the Hogwarts courtyard after breakfast since they still had half an hour until their next class. "What is it?"_

" _It may come as a bit of a shock, but if you open it, you may just found out."_

" _Prat," he sighed heavily and glared at the girl, who kept watching him with eagerness beneath her hazel eyes. He furrowed his brows; Amelia rarely looked that way. "Wow. Come on, Red, how am I going to keep up with this? I don't have a job, you know?"_

" _It's customary in the wizarding world to gift watches when one turns seventeen," she explained very seriously, her eyes glued at the watch as if she was avoiding his eyes. "And even though I couldn't care less about traditions, I thought it seemed fitting considering how you always scold me for not being on time."_

" _Yes, I can see the irony in you thinking so highly of a watch," he snorted and she shrugged nonchalantly._

" _Open up."_

 _Frowning at the way she bit on her lower lip anxiously, Kakashi opened up the watch and found something written on the opposite face._ "So you know when it's time. A.H.".

_At least five minutes went by as he digested her words and found himself capable of forming something to tell her._

" _Amelia-"_

" _Come on, Kakashi, I think we can persuade the house elves to get us something extra if we tell them it's your seventeenth birthday," she beamed at him as the boy kept studying her words quietly._

More than a decade later, her words resonated louder than ever. He remembered staring at Amelia later that day and wondering if the sparkle he had seen in her eyes was just a trick of the light or wishful thinking. Kakashi had come to understand the true meaning of her words when he had a chance to return her gesture on her seventeenth birthday only for him to ruin _everything_ in the end.

He kept gazing at the pocket watch he had carried with himself all those years. It had survived every single mission of his – even the ones that had almost costed him his life. Amelia had never truly understood the importance of being on time. She was always late and they had bickered and bantered so much about it over the course of their friendship that even in that very moment Kakashi could remember her excuses. She had lost herself on the path of life. She had taken a wrong shortcut. The Hogwarts stairs moved a lot. She was doing something important. Well, that last one had really stuck to him when he finally got what she meant by it.

A wan smile invaded his features. He had lost count of the number of times he had flicked that pocket watch open all those years just so he could stare at those words, _her_ words, _her_ handwriting. A piece of her that had stood with him even after they had parted their ways. Kakashi did not know whether she still meant it, though. Part of him believed she didn't – he had hurt her far too much by abandoning her overnight, by throwing away their friendship so carelessly, by pretending she did not exist. Nonetheless, part of him kept clinging to it, hoping, begging, praying, pleading that she still meant those words, that perhaps one day she would forgive him. That perhaps one day he would have the courage to tell her _why_.

The words he had engraved in the pocket watch he had given her for her seventeenth birthday seemed like a lie. " _There's no time like the present_." He was a coward. He was nothing more than scum.

Was there something in his eye? Why was it burning so much? Had something gone through his throat? Why did it feel like there was a lump there? Had the temperature gone so low? Why was his chin trembling?

Kakashi closed his visible eye and sighed heavily, gripping the pocket watch and trying to ignore those odd questions, avoiding the obvious answers, biting hard on his lip so he would not give in to that overwhelming feeling that was threatening to swallow his entire body. He had willingly come back knowing that Amelia would be there. He had willingly come back knowing he was bound to face her and everything she entailed – the good, the bad, the memories, the hopes, the dreams, the words, the unspoken words…

His hand clutched the pocket watch tighter and his dark grey eye scanned her words another time. _So you know when it's time. A.H._. Could he still know when it was time? Was there really time? Did they still have time?

Kakashi almost fell off the chair when a knock on the door disturbed his thoughts.

"Come in," he answered without looking up, eye still glued on the pocket watch.

If he had known who was about to come in, Kakashi would have tucked the pocket watch away immediately. Nonetheless, she was the last person he expected to see there. _Willingly._ In spite of the chances, however, Amelia Hardy had just entered his small office and frozen mid-step the moment she closed the door. Arms dropped to the side, lips parted and eyes widened, she looked as though she had seen a ghost. Kakashi found himself just a frozen – legs over the desk, his hands clutching the pocket watch, his visible eye almost trembling inside its socket.

Amelia's lips opened and closed one, two, three times and she muttered something under her breath that he could not understand. There was shock etched in every corner of her face, her complexion whitening as each second went by, her hazel eyes glued on the object he had in his hand. For three straight minutes or maybe a full hour, they did not move and kept measuring each other, hoping one of them would make the first move and undo whatever spell had been cast upon them. Kakashi could swear _time_ had stopped.

"Do you still have it?", she whispered and swallowed hard.

Gryffindor. Of course she would have the guts to talk first.

"Yes."

Amelia allowed her eyes to linger over Kakashi. He found himself studying how different she looked compared to the witch he had met two days before. Her hazel eyes had looked empty and vacant back then, but also hurt, broken, angry. _Nothing_ , that was the word that came to his mind when he thought about them. Now, however, they were a different story altogether. There was a knowing look to them as they widened further upon seeing his face. Her brows furrowed and then she looked down at her own feet, bit down on her lower lip and exhaled heavily, her left hand clutching her right forearm tightly.

"I can come back later."

She may be speaking to herself. It made no difference.

The wizard wished she could not see past the façade he had summoned the moment he had heard someone knocking on his door. Judging by her behavior, though, he doubted he could ever trick her. He had even bragged about looking past her façade but apparently, he was not the only one who could still do that.

"It's fine," he answered expressionlessly, tucking the pocket watch away immediately. Her hazel eyes followed his movements quietly and dawdled on his pocket for a second longer. "Red. What are you doing here?", he asked bluntly.

"Kingsley asked me to come check in on you," she answered without looking at him, her voice quiet.

"You could have told him you did it instead of actually coming here. I'm sure it would be easy to come up with an excuse. What are you _really_ doing here?"

"I forgot how insufferable you were," she sighed with annoyance, crisping her lips and narrowing her eyes.

"No, you forgot how bad of a liar you are," he chuckled and Amelia sneered at him, her eyes registering his combat outfit. He could see a crooked smile make her lips twitch up.

"No wizarding robes?"

"You're not wearing them too," he shrugged nonchalantly, drumming his fingers absentmindedly over the desk. "See, I still remember the day you set my cloak on fire when we were dueling. Fourth year, I guess. I don't wanna a repeat performance."

"Oh, I remember something like that," her lips stretched with amusement.

"Yes, I still remember how gleeful you looked back then."

"And the mask?," she glanced at her nails and smiled to herself.

"I remember fighting someone who could read my lips and anticipate my movements."

"You can always go for non-verbal spells and you know it. But you can take it off, Kakashi. I'm not doing that today."

Kakashi lowered his mask and smiled at Amelia, feeling suddenly better than he had felt in a long time.

"And I see you look very comfortable down there," she nodded towards his casual stance and Kakashi leaned back lazily, stretching and then putting both of his arms behind his head.

"I am entertaining myself with these files. By the way, if I wasn't familiar with your vocabulary, I might need a thesaurus to go through these."

"Shut up, you git," she rolled her eyes and stepped forward until she was standing right in front of the silver-haired wizard. She placed both hands above the chair in front of him, regarded him in silence for a moment, and then asked, "Have you made your choices already?"

"So you _do_ have a reason to come here," he pointed out with a grin.

"Why else would I bother talking to you of all people?"

Kakashi tried to pretend her words did not hurt and sustained her gaze without blinking.

"Almost," he replied, pulling down his legs slowly and sitting down properly. Amelia took the chair in front of him and folded her arms, waiting for him to go on with a blank expression. "Sam. Sara."

"Of course you'd pick Sam."

"Well, it's like you shortlisted these two with me in mind. Obviously I'd take the bearer of the Sharingan, the one who really holds the family heritage. Sara, on the other hand, had hands down the best grades of the bunch even though she's not a Ravenclaw swot. Another obvious pick."

"And the third?"

"See, that's where I haven't made my mind. You coming here is perfect timing, though."

"Who else do you have in mind?"

"Just one wizard. Seems like you left some cues for me to pick him."

"Oliver," she muttered evenly and he acquiesced quietly. "What's bugging you?"

"He's almost failed all classes. He was a troublemaker back in Hogwarts. Doesn't seem he does very good in hiding or scouting. Doesn't seem he really excels at anything. He had a hard time with Potions. He doesn't get History. What's he doing here?"

Instead of the cold reaction he was expecting, Amelia leaned forward and smiled. Kakashi shifted on his seat and fidgeted with his headband so he could avoid staring longer than he should. Seeing her smile was good for a change and he wondered whether he could still make her do it. He had wondered the other day about getting himself another chance. Was that it?

"Oliver's a good kid," she explained, waving her wand and summoning his file, which landed gracefully in front of her. "You can't teach determination. He has it. You can't teach perseverance. He has it. You can't teach someone not to give up. He doesn't give up. He has a will of fire. He just needs someone to teach him, guide him. He needs someone to care for him."

"I'm flattered you'd still think so highly of me."

"Don't flatter yourself, Kakashi. These trainees have been selected for longer than you have been with us. And as I said, I didn't know you'd take the job but actually this is extremely opportune."

"Why's that?"

"None of the other teachers actually accepted my decision. None of them agree with me. None of them will pick him."

"And why would I?"

"Because I have some leverage on you."

Her face was blank, almost indifferent. She did not blink. She did not smile. She just kept staring at the man as though that was a business meeting. Kakashi nodded his head and watched the way she opened the file and tapped her fingers on the cover.

"He's an Animagus, you know? Learned it by himself. He can hold it for hours, cast spells, fight, keep his conscious and do everything he does as a human being."

"That's really advanced, Red," his eyes widened and he furrowed his brows with confusion.

"Exactly."

"Why isn't that in his file?"

"He's unregistered," she exhaled heavily.

"Got it. That's where I come in, then? 'Cause your leverage will keep my mouth shut."

"You know that's not why I'm asking you to teach him."

Kakashi and Amelia stared at each other quietly, dark grey eyes locked on the hazel ones. There it was – their silent understanding, the way they could simply read each other with unspoken words, the way they just got each other. It hurt, it hurt so much to see that they still had it in spite of _everything_.

"Why do you care about this kid?"

"Why do you ask?"

"If I'm going to teach him, I need to know how to get to him, Amelia."

She paused for a moment and seemed to consider whether answering his question or not. When she opened her mouth, Amelia's tone was so soft that Kakashi could not help but listen intently.

"During auror training, no one really cared about him. They made no effort to teach him anything because he kept failing over and over again. One day I worked late and found him practicing by himself. It was just some simple spells, you know? I shouldn't have but I kept watching him fail at every single attempt, yet he did not give up. For over one hour, he tried and tried and tried unsuccessfully. I eventually stepped up and offered him a hand. For the past five or six months, I have trained him after shift and even though it's just for one hour every day, he has improved so much, Kakashi. I thought he deserved a chance."

It was not stubbornness this time. It was genuine care. Merlin, how long had it been since he had seen her talk so passionately about something? How long had it been since he had last seen her look that way? His stomach churned and something heavy weighed down on his chest again.

"What about his family? Or friends?"

"He doesn't have," she shook her head with a wan smile, handing back the file to Kakashi. "He never met his parents."

"And how's he like?"

"That you have to see it for yourself," she scratched the tip of her nose and concealed an enigmatic smile. "What do you say, then? Can you give it a thought?"

"I will do it."

The whys and the becauses were not needed. Amelia's lips parted and her hazel eyes widened faintly. Kakashi furrowed his brows and watched her demeanor for what felt like a lifetime. Amelia, on the other hand, just kept staring forward, transfixed on the spot as though she was not even there. He tried to avert his eyes, analyze the opposite wall, find something to pick on his clothing, tuck away something on the desk, yet his eyes kept traveling back to the witch who was watching him so intently. He felt odd at that display because her face was unreadable. It made him self-aware, scared, embarrassed, confused, enthralled and everything in between. Was she going to tackle him? Was she going to scream at him? What she going to forgive him? What the hell was going on?

"Thank you, Kakashi," her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"You're already leaving?," he asked as Amelia got to her feet.

Amelia glanced at Kakashi and then ignored his question completely. She stood still, regarded him for a moment in silence and clenched her jaw. Then, the red-haired witch went around the table until she was standing just behind Kakashi, and the wizard could feel his heart hammering inside his chest as he considered her movements. Without seeing each other's frozen expressions, none of them did anything except wait for the next move. Deciding that even though she was the Gryffindor but he still had some guts left to him, Kakashi leaned his head back and saw her face upside down, her hazel eyes unreadable as they gazed down on him.

"Hey there," he greeted her with a smile, his visible dark grey eye closing.

"Why do you always let your headband so loose?," she breathed quietly, pulling down the knot and untying it, a slight tremble to her hands.

"You weren't around to fix it."

"I wonder whose fault that is," her voice was low as she pushed his head lightheartedly, her fingers touching his silver hair ever so slightly. "You look much more comfortable today. Not looking for a quick escape route?"

"You don't look like you are going to murder me on spot this time."

"We can always test this theory," Amelia replied as she tied the knot and dropped her arms to her side.

"You wouldn't. Too much paperwork to cover it up," he grinned mischievously, turning around on his chair to face Amelia. Her back was pressed against the wall and she was staring down at the tall wizard in front of her with a strained expression, her chest going up and down heavily.

"I can tell you about the other teachers tomorrow," she mumbled, biting down on her lips and avoiding his eyes. "My office, though. This place is ridiculously small."

"I'm not as important as you are to have a large office. You're already leaving, then?"

Without another word, Amelia made her way to the door while he turned around to see her, brows furrowed as he examined her sudden change of demeanor. Then, she put a hand inside her left pocket and pulled away a silver watch that Kakashi had not seen in over a decade. She flicked it open, peeked at one of the faces and looked up just in time to see Kakashi's eye widen.

"It's time. Don't you think?"

"There's no time like the present, I guess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me a while to update but I really wanted to provide more context on Kakashi and Amelia's friendship. Their bond is still there but there is a lot for them to work on. Yet, I feel like people who were best friends for years would not simply turn their backs on each other in spite of how heartbroken they feel, which is why Amelia is so torn about Kakashi now that he is back and seems eager to make up to her. I have also included some references here and there! Even though this doesn't comply with canon Naruto, I still wanted to include some nice touches. I really hope you guys enjoy this very long chapter. Please let me know your thoughts!


	5. Game

" _Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure." ― Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_

X

"Hi, hi, sorry I'm late," Kakashi smiled apologetically, stepping inside the meeting room and closing the door behind his back, left hand scratching the back of his head. "I was helping an old lady on my way here."

"That's alright, Kakashi, Amelia has just joined us as well," Kingsley told him in a grave tone from across the room while Amelia finished rummaging through her bag and grabbed a black notebook, glancing behind her shoulder at the newcomer for less than a second.

It was Thursday afternoon and Kakashi Hatake had just joined the meeting in which they would officially launch the new auror training program. Once again, the Slytherin wizard decided to go for his favorite spot and stood on the back of the room, back pressed against the wall and hands stuffed inside his pockets, right foot resting casually against the wall. At that point, he suspected Kingsley was getting used to his antics because the Minister did not even offer him a seat. Instead, he crossed his hands over the table and began explaining how the program was going to work.

It was not personal, but Kakashi could not help but zone off during Kingsley's speech. His attention traveled to the red-haired witch who was sitting directly in front of him and, as it usually happened, his eyes studied the effect the light had in her hair. The effect soothed him, even though Kakashi felt he was also trying to crack whatever she hid inside her head, whether she was eventually going to come around, whether he could make it right. Was it because of the guilt he felt for ignoring Kingsley's speech or something else, though, his thoughts drifted to two days before when Amelia had told him about his fellow colleagues.

" _Nymphadora Tonks. Goes by Tonks. Don't call her Nymphadora unless you want to have your arse kicked. Metamorphmagus. Hufflepuff."_

" _Hufflepuff?", he repeated with a scoff and raised eyebrows. Amelia, on the other hand, shook her head and smiled kindly._

" _She is great. Married to Professor Lupin, remember him?"_

" _The werewolf? Merlin, Red, he was great and all, but are you sure about it?"_

" _She will be a great teacher. She was a very skilled auror albeit a bit clumsy. And she was probably sorted into Hufflepuff by accident because she couldn't be any more different than the ones we met back at Hogwarts. I had a couple of missions with her and she's a good person, very funny actually and rather quirky. She was in charge of teaching Concealment and Disguise these days and I mean, there's no one better than her at that."_

" _Got it," he agreed with a nod. "And the other two?"_

" _Christopher Goldstein. Goes by Chris, but you have to earn his trust before you can actually use that name. Ravenclaw. Rufus Scrimgeour, who was the Head of Auror Headquarters before Kingsley, trained him and he and Kingsley could not have more different styles. Funnily enough, he is probably the first Ravenclaw I met who is not a complete swot. He's a bit rough on the edges, but I'm sure you'll get used to him."_

" _And the last one?"_

" _Guy Perkins," she replied, putting her elbows above the table and crossing her hands in front of her mouth to suppress an obvious smile._

" _You're joking," his jaw dropped and he leaned forward until he was on the edge of his seat._

" _Gryffindor, as you know, two years ahead of us in Hogwarts. He went abroad after graduation and we actually trained together after he came back."_

" _You're joking," Kakashi repeated and shook his head vehemently, his right eye widening in obvious bewilderment. "Come on, Red, I remember him at Hogwarts. Might Guy, wasn't that how he called himself? Does he still do that? I can't believe it, he was always parading across the corridors and acting like he owned the place. Do you remember how loud he would be when Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup? Do you remember him wearing Quidditch robes all year long?"_

_Kakashi was not one to babble or rattle about anything. Amelia was probably the only person who knew he could do that and who had witnessed that undignified behavior more times than he would willingly admit._

" _Of course I do and probably much better than you. I'm a Gryffindor, I had to live with that in our Common Room. You were tucked away safely at the Slytherin Dungeons," Amelia glared at him pointedly and Kakashi looked up and sighed heavily with exasperation. "He toned down, though. Doesn't ask us to call him Might Guy anymore. Still the same silly haircut, but he's a decent auror."_

" _Did he stop stalking you?"_

" _What do you think?", she raised one eyebrow and tightened her lips coolly, and Kakashi chuckled, ignoring her scowl. "He's less obnoxious since the day I scorched his eyebrows during auror training."_

" _Those bushy brows? Merlin, I wish I'd seen it."_

" _Oh yeah," she laughed, leaning back and tossing her hair behind her shoulders while Kakashi stretched casually and put both hands behind his head. "Well, and the last one. Kakashi Hatake. Slytherin. The only wizard who bears a Sharingan without actually having a family heritage. The copy wizard. The wizard who learned a thousand spells," Amelia paused and regarded him in silence, hands clasped above the desk. "And a closeted pervert," she added with a tight-lipped smile._

_Kakashi watched her smirk completely unimpressed and blinked twice before waving his wand._

" _Accio Make out Paradise."_

_The book darted like an arrow from the bookshelf behind Amelia and Kakashi grabbed it mid-air as though he had done that a thousand times. She had not even placed a glamour charm and he had caught sight of the cover the moment he stepped inside her office. Amelia reciprocated his gaze without as much as batting her eyelashes, looking just as unimpressed at the wizard._

" _This doesn't change anything about my previous assessment."_

" _Wasn't expecting it to," he shrugged and then put his left foot on top of his right knee, opened the book and leaned back on the chair while Amelia kept studying him quietly. He had read a couple of pages when her voice rang again._

" _Since you are already here and apparently very comfortable in my office, you might as well make yourself useful."_

" _Your office is indeed twice as large as mine," he muttered dismissively without looking up. "Go ahead."_

" _I'm hiring someone to work with me. I've read hundreds of resumes but it's pointless. Good aurors want to do field work, there isn't anyone good enough that wants a desk job," Amelia explained, massaging her temples and closing her eyes with a tired expression. She then exhaled and lowered her hands, studying Kakashi's casual demeanor with a crease between her eyebrows. "You know my standards."_

" _I might have someone. But it's going to be another import."_

" _Would they be up to it?"_

" _Probably. Just say I've come up with the suggestion. He'll feel flattered enough to accept it."_

" _A fan of yours?," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Neat."_

" _His name's Tenzo. Part of my old squad. Oak Bearer."_

" _Really? That's quite rare," her lips parted in surprise and she shifted on her seat._

" _Yeah, probably the only one I've ever known. His name might not be Tenzo anymore, though," he paused for a moment and then shrugged while Amelia raised one inquisitive eyebrow. "He used to change his name from time to time."_

" _Figures," she clicked her tongue and then grabbed a quill to start writing a letter. "Tell me more about him."_

The teachers fitted Amelia's description perfectly. Tonks wore pink bubblegum short hair and had a heart-shaped face, which was a striking difference from any of the Hufflepuffs who Kakashi had met over the years. She waved her right hand a little too enthusiastically and ended up dropping Kingsley's inkpot across the table. Christopher Goldstein came to her rescue and gestured his wand elegantly, fixing Tonks's mistake without uttering a single word. He had a large burn mark on the right side of his face and some lines delineating his long nose and dark green eyes and merely nodded to himself when Kingsley introduced him to the rest of the team. Kakashi was up next and he stood still throughout his introduction, very much aware of the way Tonks and Goldstein were scrutinizing him. And then, of course, there was Guy Perkins.

"Can't believe you're one of us, Kakashi," he announced with a booming voice, puffing up his chest proudly. He was wearing a set of robes that looked like they belonged in the Quidditch field and Kakashi suppressed a tired sigh by fidgeting with his rolled up sleeves. "Back to Britain, huh? And what about this mask you're wearing? Is it to make you even more alluring? You were always the handsome and cool one back at Hogwarts, right, Amelia?"

"Yeah, yeah, Guy, I don't really like my jaw," the silver-haired wizard replied with a nervous smile, raising both hands in front of his body.

"Ha!," Guy exclaimed, waving a finger at Kakashi and then almost shrieking. "Where's that self-confidence?"

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Dammit! Will you ever stop acting so cool?"

"I'm glad you are getting along, but let us back to the point, shall we? The purpose of this meeting is to kick our new auror training program off, which is why I have invited Amelia Hardy," Kingsley proclaimed formally, bowing his head towards Amelia. "As you know, she is the Head of the program and the person who came up with this idea to begin with. So, Amelia, could you please share words?"

Even though Kakashi suspected he knew everything Amelia was about to say, he felt suddenly much more aware than before. From the place where he was standing, he had a clear view of the way Amelia was tapping her feet anxiously under the table. His brows furrowed at that sight and his mind traveled back to every time he had witnessed her doing that back in Hogwarts because it had nothing to do with speaking in public. The first time had been on second year when none of her Gryffindor colleagues had wished her a happy birthday. The second time had been on third year when she had overheard the other Gryffindor girls calling her a freak. The third time had been when a Gryffindor freshman had pushed her away when she had tried to help him tie his shoes. And then there had been a fourth, a fifth, a sixth… a hundredth time.

His previous assessment that something was most definitely off about Amelia seemed to be completely right. Yet, he was in no position to ask her. If anything, he considered himself lucky that she had been talking to him even though her hesitance in being with him was obvious, even though he was most likely the most undeserving person he knew.

"Thank you, Minister," she muttered with stiffened shoulders. "As you know, the goal of this program is to make sure we provide the right set of skills and capabilities to our junior aurors. Auror Training usually takes two years and covers skills that quite frankly do not match the type of danger the wizarding world has offered these days. We thought about updating our curriculum, yet this would not address the problem. The issue is that we need more time to prepare our aurors.

"Of course we are aware that this may delay putting new squads in place. However, if we do not go in that direction, we may risk not having any squads at all if they are simply unfit to take on the threats surrounding our world. This is a pilot program and Kingsley and I have selected twelve recruits that have recently graduated auror program so they can take another year to perfect their skills. You have all been selected because you possess impressive resumes, vast experience taking on daunting and complex missions and were the best in your squads. Over the course of this next year, you shall teach your students everything you deem necessary for them to learn, whether it is spells, charms, enchantments, transfiguration, potions, logical skills, healing skills, muggle fighting and, most importantly, dueling, which is why each squad will duel each other every three months. We do not care what you teach as long as you comply with the wizarding law and ensure that your pupils will leave this place fully capable of executing their duties, fully prepared and equipped to take on any threats."

Kakashi had always envied how much presence, confidence and passion Amelia infused in her ideals. Although her back was turned to him and he could not see her eyes, he suspected he knew how they looked. Fiery, blazing, fiercely determined with a faint stubbornness beneath those hazel pools… Yes, he had seen that look a thousand times, especially when they were dueling and she was testing some of her Inferno on him or managing to dodge one of his newfound spells. He was glad he had his mask on to conceal his obvious reminiscing smile.

"We are launching this program," she paused and Kakashi saw the way her shoulder stiffened another time, "to honor the ones we lost this last year. Albert Podmore. Arthur Doge. Marnie McKinnon. Nicholas Belby. Emeric Vane. Malcom Weiss. Emelinda Wood. Douglas McLaggen. Filius Cram. Theo… Theodore Boot."

When Amelia finished, every set of eyes in the room was staring at her with a sullen expression that Kakashi was all too familiar with. Loss. Powerlessness. Sorrow. The silver-haired wizard, on the other hand, kept staring at the witch whose feet were still tapping under the table and whose hands were now hugging her own elbows, her knuckles turning white as she did so.

" _Kaka…shi…"_

Widened chestnut eyes and a surprised gasp flashed in front of Kakashi's eyes. He could not allow those memories to haunt him right now, not when the reason for Amelia's distress was so obvious. He balled his fists to his side to prevent the plethora of feelings that were starting to boil on his insides. There was some haziness forming on the back of his mind, flashes of chestnut eyes mixing with the blueish light and buzzing sound from his favorite spell. Nonetheless, that was no time or place to give in to the impeding darkness, to revisit his mistakes, to wallow in despair and allow a six-year old memory to suppress him to his knees. He would deal with that later as he always did when he woke up in the middle of the night drenched in cold sweat and gasping for some air. Still, his eyes traveled down to his hands and even after so many years, the blood would just not come off…

"Thank you, Amelia," Kingsley's voice woke him up and Kakashi looked up with a startle as if he had just managed to find himself there of all places. "You have been given the resumes of our candidates and even though tomorrow you're going to meet them to make your decisions, I was wondering if any of you has already made a choice."

Kakashi was glad to have a reason to do something instead of dealing with his demons. When he announced his choices, there was obvious confusion etched in the other teachers' faces. The cause was not the Sharingan bearer, of course, nor the smart Gryffindor girl. Amelia was right about how the other teachers felt about Oliver because the skepticism in their eyes could not be any more apparent. It ended up working in his favor, though, because at least Tonks, Goldstein and Perkins seemed to have other candidates in mind, which meant Kakashi was the only one who already had a squad and would start training the very next day.

"I can't wait for my squad to take on yours, Kakashi!", Guy announced with a thumbs up, flashing a smile. "I'll make you wonder if you shouldn't have made other choices."

Kakashi forced a smile, but kept his eyes exactly where they were. Amelia.

As everyone exited the meeting room, Kakashi stood still. Amelia did not seem to have noticed him. Instead, she lowered her head and held it between her hands, her red hair falling on her back like a backdrop made of fire. Often times during the years, Kakashi found himself studying that effect and thinking to himself that Amelia's Inferno really belonged with her. Whenever they were dueling and she would use her scorching or blazing powers, he sometimes marveled at how fascinating that effect was, how it made her look like she was enveloped in flames. Now, seeing her downcast stance, however, he felt a lump on his throat.

Amelia put her hands above the table and opened her palms. She kept gazing at them, her body completely frozen except for the tremble in her hands. Kakashi closed his eyes and saw himself waking up in the middle of the night, rushing to the bathroom so he could stare at his own hands for what felt like an hour and then wash them until they were sore, until he could no longer see anything there.

Was that the reason why Amelia had stopped being an auror and had moved to Intelligence? Or was it the other way around? Was that the reason why she looked so unsure and concerned around her Mum's fragile figure? Or maybe it was the other way around too? Was that the reason why she seemed to be able to tolerate Kakashi even though she should hate him? Had she suffered a similar trauma? Had she gone through something worse? Were they even more alike than he had anticipated?

It was no time to think about his past, though. It was time to be there for her.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

Amelia did not wince at his voice and he wondered if she knew that he was there all along or if she was not even paying attention to the sound of his voice. He sat down beside her and waited.

"A walk?"

Her voice was nothing more than a whisper, an echo of her normal tone.

"You look like you need one," he whispered, nudging her leg with his knee.

Amelia looked down, frowned at his long leg nudging her knee and then raised her eyes to observe Kakashi. She had that aura of stubbornness that always came whenever she was trying hard not to cry. In all those years of friendship, Kakashi had seen her cry only once and it was after her Dad's burial, in the quietness and isolation of her bedroom as she clung to his neck and sobbed as silently as she could. In any other circumstances that would perhaps bring her to tears, Amelia had resorted to tapping her feet and mustering all her grit to clench her jaw stubbornly and sustain a fiercely determined gaze as though she could not care less, her shoulders steady as if she was used to carrying the weight of the entire world. Kakashi was well versed in that behavior, though, and even in that moment, more than a decade after he had seen it, he could read the pain beneath her eyes.

Which was why he was offering to go for a walk. Long walks across the Hogwarts grounds usually followed her feet tapping episodes. They would walk, walk, and just keep walking until she eventually felt better. Words were hardly needed. Most of the times after those walks, she would change the subject at once and never mention her sadness ever again. Other times they would sit under a willow tree beside the Great Lake and discuss their homework. The fact that he was there beside her had always been enough. His comforting presence, prompt ears and his old Slytherin scarf were more than enough. They would walk across the gardens for minutes, sometimes even hours and it was like the breeze, the flutter of the leaves, the smell of the wet soil or perhaps everything altogether would cleanse Amelia's hurt.

He had to try that. Seeing how she looked in that very moment… Kakashi _had to_ do something.

"A walk… _with you_?"

"We can play Rock, Paper and Scissors to decide. If I win, you come with me. If I lose, I'll leave."

Rock, Paper and Scissors. Her eyes widened.

" _Our Hogwarts letters are here," she exclaimed, rushing to meet him in the backyard._

" _Finally," he let out a breath dramatically, snatching one of the envelopes out of Amelia's hand. "Now we have to choose our extra classes," his brows furrowed as he reached the end of his letter after a minute. "Arithmancy, Muggle Studies, Care for Magical Creatures, Ancient Runes and your favorite, Red. Divination."_

" _We'll go for the same, right?"_

" _Of course," he shrugged, scratching his chin pensively. "Two or three?"_

" _Three," she answered immediately with a harsh nod. "How do we pick?"_

" _You pick one and I pick another," Kakashi began, folding his letter and tucking away inside his back pocket. "The third one, though… What about Rock, Paper and Scissors? The winner decides for both of us?"_

" _That's your great idea?," she raised one eyebrow condescendingly._

" _You have a better one?"_

"Fine _. But I choose first," she said through gritted teeth after a moment and he gazed at her indifferently. "Arithmancy. Dad said it is very complex and I wouldn't want to choose easy subjects just because we can."_

" _I'm taking Care for Magical Creatures," he replied without missing a beat, his dark grey eye scanning her face. "And before you begin fussing with me, it's not because I wanna have a dog."_

" _Why then?"_

" _Animal creatures are useful to Potions, all sorts of ingredients come from them. Besides, Dark Wizards used some beasts and magical creatures in the past. If we really wanna become aurors, I think we should take it."_

" _Ok," she agreed with a smile and he exhaled in relief. "Let's see who has the third choice, then."_

_Amelia showed rock and Kakashi showed scissors. Kakashi felt his confident smile waver and his eyes lowered immediately to the ground as something stirred in his stomach._

" _Brilliant," she grinned while Kakashi sat down and fidgeted with the grass, avoiding her eager eyes. "I'm choosing Muggle Studies."_

" _What?", his eyes shot up at once, his lips parted. "Why? You said once that Muggle Studies is the easiest subject in the world. And you also said you didn't want to take easy subjects. I thought you'd go for Ancient Runes."_

" _I'm not a muggle, why would Muggle Studies be easy?", she retorted blankly, sitting beside Kakashi and crossing her legs. She then pulled a strand of her hair and began combing it with her fingers. "Your Mum, on the other hand, was a muggleborn. I think taking Muggle Studies would be great for me to understand how she was like. I wish I had met her."_

_Kakashi dropped the patch of grass he was holding and gaped at Amelia. She was smiling at him kindly, her head tilted to the side and her fiery red hair dancing behind her back as the breeze lulled it. The silver-haired wizard kept studying her silently, the stir in his stomach now gone and replaced by some warmth up on his chest._

" _We're tied now, Red," he muttered in a very quiet tone, raking his fingers through his hair so the scorching feeling in his eyes would go away._

" _Yeah," she nudged his shoulder playfully and he smiled wanly at her. "From now on, Rock, Paper and Scissors is how we make decisions. What do you say?"_

" _Sounds good to me."_

Amelia regarded him in silence and he could swear that her mind had traveled back to that same memory. He could see hesitation in the way she clutched her own forearm, but there was also some expectation in her parted lips and longing in her hazel eyes. Though he wanted to look away, he sustained her gaze as steadily as he could, waiting for her answer in silence. His mind, however, was focused on how awfully close their legs were, how odd it was to touch her again even if it was just a nudge on her knee…

They had come up with that solution for their stalemates just before third year started. Over the years, they had solved their deadlocks the exact same way. From simple and mundane things such as whether playing Explosive Snape or Wizarding Chess to more complex matters like who was going to show their Patronus first – playing Rock, Paper and Scissors had always been there. The last time they had played still lingered on the back of his mind… if they were going to ignore curfew and stay a little more in the Room of Requirement or not.

Kakashi bit on the inside of his mouth to stop those thoughts. If he allowed his imagination to go to that place, ignoring how close they were and how much he ached to be with her again was going to be impossible. He _had to_ focus. He would deal with the heart he had broken by his own hands later. He would deal with his demons later. Right now, she needed help. It was so ironic that he would be the one catering to that, though…

"Kakashi," she began, swallowing hard as she studied his dark grey eye, "I'm fine."

"Liar," he smiled faintly, nudging her leg once again. "I'm not asking you to tell me anything."

Amelia opened her hands once again and studied her palms, swallowing hard as she did so. Kakashi felt something tingling at the tip of his fingers as if they were suddenly attracted by her display. He mustered all his self-control to stand still although every part of his body screamed that he took her hand and pulled her closer, that he conjured his old Slytherin scarf out of thin air and tied around the neck she was rubbing anxiously right now.

"Fine," she agreed, biting on her lip and shaking him off his reverie. "Let's play then."

Ten minutes afterwards, they were standing at the entrance of their favorite London park. Side-along apparition was not needed because their destination was obvious to both of them even if no words had been uttered. They had been there in the past and the place looked slightly different from what he remembered or maybe it was because last time he had been there was fall not summer. Regardless of the reason, there was a welcome aura of familiarity to the trees surrounding the velvety grass, the worn out wooden benches and the scattered bushes beyond their view.

They started walking almost immediately, both of them so silent that any passerby would imagine they did not even know each other. Kakashi had lowered his mask but not even that was enough to prevent the curious gazes that studied his lopsided headband or his unusual spiky silver hair. Every so often, though, the gazes would shift to Amelia and he knew it had to do to more than her beauty. No matter how downcast and deep in thought she might look at that point, Amelia was one of those people whose presence was simply impossible to ignore. Merlin knew how hard he was trying to suppress his thoughts, his memories and everything else Amelia evoked just by being around.

Their hands touched three times as they walked before Kakashi decided to stuff them inside his pockets. She raised her left hand and clutched her right elbow, using her curtain of red hair to hide her face from Kakashi. He suspected she was starting to regret her decision to play Rock, Paper and Scissors. Perhaps she should have just said no and stormed off the room. Perhaps she should have screamed and cast him away. Perhaps she should have ignored him completely and left Kakashi to his guilty thoughts about Rin Nohara and his regrets about abandoning Amelia more than ten years before. It was difficult to decide which memory his mind was going to summon to torture him right now.

Yet, telling Amelia that he probably knew how she felt like did not even cross his thoughts. And it wasn't because he was afraid or embarrassed of his deeds; Merlin knew how much he admonished himself every day. He knew that Amelia was the only person in the entire world to whom he would willingly tell he had killed a member of his auror squad six years before and that he had failed to protect his comrades. Nonetheless, what kind of comfort would that confession provide to Amelia when she seemed so unsure of his newfound presence in her life? It was not about him in that moment. It was about her. It was not time or place to ask her what had happened, or tell her he was sorry, or explain how he understood what she felt like. The best he could do was simply be there and let her know that she was not alone, even if the man beside her had broken her heart to extents that he still could not quite fully understand.

" _Kaka… shi…"_

He closed his eyes. It was not Rin this time. It was that memory, the memory that had haunted him for over ten years. Her almost lifeless body, a trail of blood dripping from her head, her stretched hand trying to clutch him, the blueish light of his lightning rod igniting the otherwise dark room. There was red everywhere… her blood… her hair… the eye he saw when he watched himself in the mirror. A Mangekyou Sharingan.

Kakashi almost tripped over a flock of dogs that had come straight to him. Pretending that he was gasping because of the dogs and not the impeding hyperventilation that always accompanied that memory, he kneeled on the ground and patted the dogs, smiling kindly while the woman holding their leashes waited impatiently. Amelia waited for him silently and Kakashi saw the way she was studying him closely, the slight crease to her eyebrows as she read him like an open book.

"Let's stop there," she mumbled, motioning towards the deck in front of the lake. "We've been walking for over an hour now."

Had it been that long? He had completely lost track of time.

Nodding, Kakashi followed her with hands stuffed inside his pockets again. The afternoon was starting to recede now and he could feel a light breeze rushing the tree leaves. Amelia approached the deck and put her elbows on the handrail, her hazel eyes reflecting the orange setting sunlight mixing with the indigo blue sky. Kakashi took the place beside her but stared at the opposite side, his back resting against the rail and his eyes watching the scenery in front of him. He watched the kids running after the dogs, the women and men jogging around the park, the birds going over their heads, the distant echo of the bugs waiting for the forthcoming darkness and the lonely figures sat upon the wooden benches and wondering about their dreams, choices and memories.

"So what are your plans for tomorrow?"

Amelia's words came abruptly and years of training were not enough to mask his shock.

"What?", he stammered, wide-eyed.

"Your students start tomorrow, don't they?"

Kakashi glanced sideways as conspicuously as possible, but Amelia's eyes were studying him. Concern. Worry. _Care_. He swallowed hard and reverted his gaze to the scenery that stretched behind her back, nails pressing against his palms inside his pockets. He had come there because of her, so he would be there for her. Why was she the one displaying worry and concern, then? Why did she have those creases between her eyebrows or that anxiety etched in her hazel eyes?

"Oh," he paused and raised one eyebrow, "I was actually going to make them squirm a little bit, maybe hate me for the rest of the weekend and wonder why I've chosen them."

"The bells?", she mused with a grin, shaking her head.

"Absolutely. They must learn teamwork first. That comes before anything else," he explained very seriously, brows furrowed yet again. "Then I was thinking of inviting you on Monday so they can really understand what teamwork looks like."

Amelia turned around and rested her right arm on the handrail, gaping at the wizard. Two young women ran past them, one of them looking over her shoulder with some expectation and setting her eyes on Kakashi. Her friend laughed loudly while the other kept staring at him longingly. They were already gone for five minutes when Amelia finally regained her words.

"Well, if they had been part of the Dueling Club, they wouldn't need to go through this."

Kakashi smiled to himself and ran his fingers through his hair, leaning back against the handrail once again and feeling his shoulders relax at her acceptance.

"You're right. Not even Sam took part even though he's a Slytherin and Snape was always nagging everyone about the importance of that Club."

"Probably why no one joined. Do you remember anyone other than us liking the guy?"

"Yeah, you have a point," Kakashi replied with a grimace and a heavy sigh. "He was foul and one of the most unlikable people I have ever met, but he was definitely a great teacher. Not the most popular by any means, but probably the smartest and most talented one."

"Spoke like his favorite student," she countered, her lips twitching up with amusement.

"You were a close second," he admitted, shuddering. "By the way, where do you think Lyra's getting sorted?"

"Slytherin."

"Did she give up on Hufflepuff?"

"More or less. She seems less interested in it after talking to you. She thought I was the only one who held a grudge against it. Your brief interaction convinced her otherwise."

"I don't have a grudge." Kakashi lowered his gaze and his dark grey eye caught sight of a lonely pebble on the ground. Some inches ahead there was a little mountain of them, so he knew it had escaped its family somehow. Had a kid taken just that one away from them? Or had the weather slowly taken it apart from its kin? With casual indifference, Kakashi kicked it softly and watched the small pebble find its way back to its group, pretty much aware of the way Amelia was following his movements. "You would be a Slytherin too if you hadn't asked the Sorting Hat to place you in Gryffindor instead."

"Lyra doesn't know that."

"If she's anything like you, and I suspect she is, she will ask because she knows it doesn't say anywhere that you can't, Red."

"Just as long as you keep your mouth shut and don't say anything to her."

"How would I?"

"Well, Mum has invited you for dinner next week."

"I won't come," he responded without missing a beat, arms folded against his chest. "I don't want to make you any more uncomfortable. I know my place. One thing is sharing the same workplace. Another thing altogether is doing that. I won't come."

"Are you finished?", she asked, glancing at her nails disinterestedly and Kakashi blinked three times, feeling absolutely helpless at her unemotional answer. "You'll come or she'll murder me. You know Mum. She'll show up at the Ministry and drag you by your feet if you don't come. She'll look right past me if I lie. The only solution is accepting. And don't even think about suggesting Rock, Paper and Scissors to solve this. I'm suggesting next Thursday, alright?"

"I'll be busy."

"You won't. I've already seen your schedule for next week."

"How?", Kakashi countered, turning around with an exasperated expression.

"I broke into your office early today. That's why I was late as well."

Her bluntness suddenly transported him back to Hogwarts. How many times had Amelia done something of that magnitude and admitted it so flippantly? Kakashi did not even had it in him to argue with her. It was one of those moments where amusement subdued annoyance and he was left watching her with a half-smile and a disproportionately quick heartbeat.

"You… You broke into my office?"

"I figured you would be too righteous to accept, so I decided to see for myself and find an answer to this stalemate."

"You broke into my office," he repeated, putting both hands behind the nape of his neck and chuckling nervously. "How did you figure out how to undo the spell?"

"Come on, Kakashi. You're my bes-"

Amelia froze in place and bit on her tongue while Kakashi pretended not have heard what she was about to say. Her smile turned into a frown. The aura of casualness that had enveloped both of them during that afternoon disappeared instantly. Suddenly, they were extremely aware of their whereabouts and that the warm summer afternoon was soon going to be swallowed by a much colder and lonely night.

Kakashi sighed heavily while Amelia went back to staring across the lake and hugging her arms, her shoulders plummeted as she did so. That encapsulated perfectly what they had turned into. Their old friendship still hung heavily upon their shoulders. The memories, the reminiscences, the dreams, the unspoken words, the long forgotten promises. He knew he was the one to blame for that, he knew that it was his fault that such sweet and beautiful things had become those haunting nightmares that were always lurking in the shadows, waiting for just a small slip to strike them. One moment of happiness before the cruel and cold reality crushed them mercilessly and made them well aware that they were no longer friends…

And who was to blame for that? Kakashi himself.

It was a mistake asking Amelia to go for a walk. It was a mistake assuming that he could help her. How could he? How could he when he was unable to help himself? Kakashi thought he had it in him to be there for her because he suspected he knew what Amelia had faced, why she was tapping her feet under the table, why she was staring so miserably at her own hands, why her hazel eyes mirrored his when he woke up during the night reliving his nightmares. Still, he was wrong. As usual, he was wrong, he had made the wrong choice. And why? Because he kept clinging to it, to that hope, praying, pleading, hoping, craving for… _it_. He was pathetic. He was worse than scum. He even lacked the courage to say it out loud.

"Kakashi?"

Before he could realize, Amelia was standing just in front of him.

"Red?"

"Your headband."

The _liar_ died at the tip of his tongue. He knew it was perfectly set this time.

"Probably the wind," he mumbled, turning around and dropping his arms to the side.

"Absolutely," she agreed even though they had felt nothing more than a light breeze. She removed the headband quietly and Kakashi closed his left eye, even though he was now facing the lake. "Why didn't you ask me what happened?"

"Sometimes the worst thing one can do is to say anything at all."

She paused in the middle of redoing the knot. Silence was only disturbed by a group of teenage boys running behind their backs and joking with each other, their playful and booming voices dying down after a minute or so. The afternoon was now almost completely gone and the cricketing and chirping sounds of the night creatures replaced the teenage boys' laughter.

"I should go now," Amelia whispered.

Instead of going away, though, Amelia went back to the handrail beside Kakashi. Placing her arms over the rail, she nudged his elbow. He looked down and saw her fist balled. For a split and mad second, it occurred to him that Amelia had come to her senses and was about to clock him. However, when he raised his gaze and studied her hazel eyes, it was obvious for him what she was doing.

"Rock, Paper and Scissors. What are we deciding?"

"You'll see," she replied with a blank expression.

He chose paper. She chose scissors.

To his surprise, Amelia moved closer and, elbows touching, they watched the sunset until the moon finally took the stage and enveloped them in its silver and shimmering cloak. It was not cold and lonely as he had anticipated, though. He suddenly realized it had been over a decade since he had felt such warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, a very long chapter, I know, but I really wanted it to look this way. Yes, Rin does exist in this universe but not quite like canon. This will be more of a stepping stone for Kakashi's past traumas and growth. This story is centered in his relationship with Amelia and soon you will know why he abandoned her overnight. Anyway, hope you guys like it! Let me know your thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this seems very crazy, but I started watching Naruto recently and Kakashi became my favorite character almost at once. Yes, I know, I am joining the bandwagon very late. Better late than never, right? As I got more interested in the character, suddenly I had this insane idea of inserting him into the Harry Potter universe. As you can see, there will be familiar faces here and there, but in no way will this story merge with Harry Potter himself. I am just borrowing some names and characters, but this is an independent piece that will not follow canon – neither for Naruto nor for Harry Potter. I do hope you guys give it a chance! It would make me feel extremely happy to read your comments!
> 
> Also, for those who are curious about my other pieces, yes, I will be updating them soon. I took a break because of the pandemic, but that's another story altogether. Anyways, hope you like it!


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